Move From Dream to Actuality

Most of us have dreams. We see ourselves in a great job, imagine being in the ideal relationship, living in a great neighborhood, writing, creating visual art... But we're not there, and we don't seem to be getting any closer to being there. Why is that, and how do we change it? How do we move from dream to actuality

Dreams are a Great Beginning

The things we imagine come from someplace deeper than our conscious mind. The place in us that is like a powerful, winding river, inexorably moving under the surface of consciousness. Moving us along our life's path, whether we know it or not, whether we want to go that way or not. Moving us in the direction of being wholly who we are. This is the place of inspiration, the place that brings ideal visions to our minds. Unfortunately, most of us are too busy anxiously trying to navigate the boulders and branches in the river to notice where the river seems to be moving us.

The First Step is Awareness

Awareness of the dream, of what we're longing for. Taking the vision seriously-more seriously than the boulders and branches. Letting it flesh itself out; dreaming into the details. If you're in a relationship that isn't quite working for you, notice what your vision of the ideal relationship consists of. What stands in the way of having that in your current relationship? Is it only something your partner habitually does, or is it also because you haven't let him or her know how their behavior affects you, and what you need in the relationship? If you feel stuck in your job, are there things you can do to change it, or could you move into a job that matches you better? If you'd like to start writing, painting or photography, is it really that there's no time or is it something else?

Overcoming the Fear

One thing that's in the way when we try to move from dream to reality is that when we think about doing it, a kind of lethargy or fatigue comes over us. This feeling is often just (just!) fear of the unknown, and when it's allowed to go on for a while, it can turn into depression. The lethargy is something inside saying "You can't do that; you don't know how; you're not good enough/smart enough; it's too risky." The vision is energizing, but when you take it seriously enough to actually think about taking a step in that direction, the inner fear takes over.

Fear is Okay

Fear is natural, because you're contemplating jumping into the unknown. Notice all the details of the fear and have a dialogue with it, as if it's a character inside of you. Often, it's actually a part of you that's trying to protect you. Let it tell you what it's afraid of. Then, together, come up with a way to take what it's saying into account. That often makes it easier to begin to move from dream to reality.

Now We're Moving!

Now you can take the first step. One of the best ways to start-keeping your vision in mind-is to divide getting there into small pieces. Notice which one is the easiest and do that one first, then enjoy your accomplishment. After that, either it gets easier to go one step after the other or you do the next easiest and enjoy your accomplishment. For example, if you hate your job and you've decided to move on, make a list of all the salient parts of the ideal job of your dreams. Does it involve interacting with a lot of people or being alone? Is it outside, in an office or maybe in a mixture of settings? Do you have fixed hours or flexible hours? What kinds of activities are involved? Etc., etc.
Now, do some research on the kinds of jobs that meet all or at least some of your vision. Do you already have all the education, skills and experience to move into such a job, or do you need to acquire more of some of them? If you do need more skills or education, what's the first thing you can do? What's the easiest thing? If you already have all that's required, what is the easiest step you can take to move in the direction of being in that job.

Now, Actually Do It!

That's the really important thing to move from dream to actuality-you have to actually do something. Darn it! So many times, the dream is so satisfying. Unfortunately, imagining yourself in the new, better situation is way easier than getting yourself to actually do what it takes to get there. One solution: creating a concrete activity and setting yourself a deadline for getting it done. Once you've accomplished the activity, give yourself credit, celebrate. Then create the next concrete activity and another deadline. Give yourself consequences for not doing it. For example, I can't do "x" until I've done the next step. Then ask, "Did I do the step? If not, what's stopping me?" It could be that fear voice from above, in which case, have the dialogue again and find out how to assuage the fear so that you can move on.

If You Need Help

If you do all of what's described above, you'll find yourself in the place of your dream.

Sometimes it takes getting some help from a coach.

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Shia LaBeouf - Just Do It (Make Your Dreams Come True) [Ultimate Remix]

This is a little tongue in cheek for some Friday Motivational Fun!

Why Reinvent Yourself?

What does reinvent yourself mean, and why would you do it? First of all, you are here now, already invented. Who are you, and what are you all about? You must answer this question before you can begin to take charge of your life, plan, and implement your plan to take your life in a different direction. Also, by spending time to define and understand your life as it is, you can think about how it turned out that way.

For some folks, the reinvention is to find a new job. Others want a change of scenery. They choose to live somewhere else. It is heartbreaking for everyone involved, but some decide to leave their family to start over, and in rarer instances, they leave their name, their heritage, and even their beliefs behind in order to start with a blank sheet of paper. Of course, none of these actions guarantee a rise in your happiness. Things will be different. Perhaps, it is better to test drive before you make a drastic change in your life.

One of my favorite sayings is, "Just because you thought of it, does not make that a good idea." Perhaps you need the counsel of a wise person who is a trusted friend. Wise means level-headed, experienced, and someone who must be convinced. It does you no good to take a thought to a friend who always agrees with everything that you want to do. Also, should you confide in social media freak, that person may broadcast your thought widely, which could compel you to reinvent before you were ready to make that decision.

There is another side to this. Do you have family responsibilities, moral obligations, or will people suffer because you choose to abandon them? Many people look back on the tragedies in their lives in order to self-analyze how they handled them. The ones who say that they did the best they could to "right the ship," can justifiably take pride as they identify themselves to be among the heart and soul of humanity. But, if you decide to reinvent, to walk away from everyone and everything important in your life, then you will have to be satisfied with your "it's all about me above everything else" decision. If no one else could count on you, then why does anyone anywhere need you around? That is harsh, but this is why you should be careful, consult with a trusted friend, and plan your reinvention to be least hurtful to others. Guilt is a poor substitute for unhappiness.

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REINVENT YOURSELF - Motivational Video

Why The Law Of Attraction And Goal Setting Are Different

Many people mistake the Law of Attraction (LOA) with goal setting. While there are similarities between the two self-development tools, most people don't always get them right.

However, when you figure out how to use the LOA properly, it will work and change your life. Otherwise, people can continue striving for their goals but they are chasing the wrong things that lead them to a wrong path.

This is not to say that you can't use the LOA to help you achieve your goals. (This could be the reason why people get them confused.) Some believe that if you try to set the wrong goals or your goals are too aggressive, LOA will be used against you because you will stress out by not being able to accomplish those goals.

In this way, goals can be looked at as the path you set whereas the LOA is the power or the engine that will get you there.

When you create a plan (your goals), you focus on the positive aspect of the plan and how it can get you to where you want to be in life.

Do you need to have goals to use the LOA? Take finding a mate, as an example.

You may go out on more dates every month. You may think this is a goal. But will it result in finding someone? It may, it may not, but the point is will that person be right for you? When LOA is used, proponents believe that you will find the right person due to what you put out into the universe.

The big dating websites will state they have the scientific formula for choosing the right mate.

Perhaps they do a good job. But, can they beat the LOA when it comes to finding love? Does the very nature of using one of these sites set the stage for the correct components needed using the LOA to find that mate? It does get you to focus your attention on thinking about the right qualities you find desirable.

There are people who believe that when you stop looking for love is when you tend to find it. This goes against the grain of both the LOA believers and the dating websites.

Then again, from the LOA perspective, perhaps you have put out to the universe the proper requirements needed. Then, when you stop stressing about trying to find the perfect person by not thinking about it anymore, you are rewarded with finding someone. This can happen without even turning on your computer.

Anyhow, whether you believe in the LOA or not, the only way to really get what you want in life is to BECOME the kind of person that deserves the things you want. Take action and make things happen.

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An Inspirational Video 1 - The Law Of Attraction

How to Get What You Want in 2017

It is almost 2017 and time to start thinking about those New Year's resolutions but the problem with New Year's resolutions is that so few people actually achieve them. Why is this and what can you do to make sure you actually get what you want in 2017?

1. Write Down Your New Year's Resolutions and Set SMART goals
The first step towards achieving what you want is to actually write it down and turn resolutions into goals. An unwritten resolution is quickly forgotten and unless you have some written, specific goals chances are you are just going to be wandering. SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound. In other words, say exactly what you want to achieve, by when and have ways of measuring how you are getting along.

2. Develop Habits and Consistency
Another problem that often occurs with New Year's resolutions is that people do not form habits and develop consistency in those actions that are going to get them there. For instance, if you want to lose weight, it needs to become a habit to exercise and eat healthy foods. They say it takes 21 days to develop a habit but it is actually better to consistently stick to it for 63 days to ensure that the habit is well entrenched into your lifestyle before taking any breaks. Not all habits need to be done every day but you do need to be consistent in doing those things that will get you towards your goal.

3. Track and Measure
Set smaller goals and ways of measuring how you are making progress towards your major goal and then track these. Start by tracking those habits that it will take to get you there - how many times have you exercised this week for example. As you are tracking you will see how even the small steps count and will be more motivated to keep moving towards your major goal.

4. Stay Positive
Your mindset has a huge role to play in whether you are going to achieve your goals or not. Always try to remain positive and think positively. Focus on what it is you want but don't beat yourself up over setbacks or slip ups, you will get times where things don't go perfectly or you may have a setback but just keep going and you will get there.

Instead of just setting some New Year's Resolutions for this next year why not turn them into actionable goals, develop habits that will help you achieve them and track these consistently. Keep positive and all the best for achieving whatever it is you want to achieve in 2017.

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One-step-at-a-time - goal achieving cartoon doodle video

How To Define Your Goals And Have A Vision

The first thing you need to do before you achieve anything is almost always to define your goals. This is very integral to your potential success as you can't very well succeed until you know what it is that you want to achieve!

'Chase your dreams' people say. 'Follow your heart!' they announce. But what if you don't know what your goals are? How can you go after the thing that will make you happy when you have no idea what that thing is? The problem a lot of people have, is that they start with a goal rather than a vision.

In reality, a goal should come from a vision and you need one before you can have the other.
So what's the difference? A vision is a lot more abstract than a goal. A vision is not a plan or an idea but rather it is a lifestyle, a way of life, a state of affairs, a dream. Your goal will then fill in the steps from there.

To find your vision then, the simplest strategy is to try picturing your perfect life. Imagine you have been given a magic lamp and can make three wishes. Meanwhile, you also won the lottery. What does this perfect life look like? What does it entail? Where do you see yourself? Who is there with you?
For some people, this vision is going to be the typical archetype of success. You might be as we described earlier, standing on top of a high-rise building, looking out over your domain and wearing a smart suit.

But maybe that's not it. Maybe you're sitting in a hammock, drinking a cocktail while watching the sun set over a tropical ocean? Or perhaps your dream is more modest? Maybe you imagine having a beautiful house, a beautiful wife/husband and great kids. Maybe you envisage being able to spend all your time with those kids.

Or maybe, just maybe, your vision is completely bizarre to most people. Maybe your vision involves playing World of Warcraft all day. Maybe your vision isn't even physically possible.

All of this is fine - and the first crucial lesson we need to learn here is that you have to be honest with yourself. You need to be 100% brutally honest and if your dream is to enter a beauty pageant - as a guy - just admit it. Maybe your vision is just to be a bum and lie around the house!

Too many of us feel as though we have to live the life that others set out for us. We feel as though we need to achieve what is considered the traditional view of success. We feel the urge to please our teachers, our parents. And so when someone asks us 'what is your goal?', we will often say 'to be a lawyer'.

We're too embarrassed to say that we just want to spend more time with our kids. And we're too embarrassed to say we want to be a pop star. But what is the point of chasing someone else's dream? Go after the things that you feel passionate about and never feel ashamed of whatever they may be!

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VISION - Motivational Video

How to Succeed in a Non-Linear Career Path

Go to college. Get a degree and a job. Work and retire. Many would argue that there is no such thing as a linear career - well, at least not anymore. Whereas in the past employees would stay at a single company for years and patiently wait for their promotion and pay rise, today it is no longer the case.

Now the majority of young employees are more likely to experiment in their career, moving from one job to another building on experience and increasing their expertise in a wide range of disciplines.

Doing this is undoubtedly challenging and risky, but at the same time really rewarding. It equips you with all-rounded work experience and a unique blend of skills that allow you to further your professional practice and manage your career more effectively.

This has become the new job market trend since the economic crisis hit. Professor of Management at the Wharton School, Peter Capelli stated that

"What we see now are more 'herky-jerky' careers. People stay in jobs during the recession a little longer than usual, and then when they move, they don't necessarily move in predictable ways". 

Given the fact that jobs are no longer stable enough to guarantee a steady income and good quality of life, you need to be able to explore and assess alternative choices instead of relying on a 'job for life'.

Other professionals also claim that a "squiggly" career seems to be more appropriate for the younger workforce today. In fact, in his book, Ctlr Alt Delete, Digital Marketer, Mitch Joel says that in order to succeed you need to be willing to embrace change adapting to challenges and opportunities just like a businessman. This means that you need to become more self-reliant and learn how to use planned happenstance effectively..

The one thing that's certain is that success isn't linear, and this is evident in the business world. Very few people know exactly what they want to do in their teens and this no different for many of the world's most successful entrepreneurs. If you look at Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, both left school to go after their passion practically blind, tossing the traditional trajectory of their academic career in the bin. All they had at that point was an idea that could only help them land their first job - or startup. After that, their road to success and riches was full of bumps, a series of failures and disappointments.

But along the way that's how you learn. Such experiences make you the person you aspire to be and force you to make adjustments to help you fulfill your career aspirations. In this regard, going against the grain isn't a guarantee of success and although seems to be risky it's something that's worth trying. It will help you find what your professional self is made out of, embrace your weird quirks and allow you to work your way up to the top.

So strive to make a difference by not following a linear career trajectory. Be open to changes to bring evolution, challenge yourself and be willing to change your career to an entirely different one if need be. Provided that you have strong networking and transferable skills; the skills you can apply to a variety of professions and situations, you too can lead a successful non-traditional career.

Remember that your career path will be unpredictable, but this is a good thing. Life has its own twists, ups and down, the fact which makes it impossible for you to foresee and prepare accordingly.

The one thing you can do though is make the most of what life gives you in any situation. Your ability to identify opportunities that match up to your passion will help you move forward chasing after what you want from your career.

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Don't Follow Your Passion

Why December Is a Great Month for Hiring

If there was ever a time to get depressed about being unemployed, it is in December. It is tough to be out of work with the holidays looming and you find yourself short on cash when all you want to do is buy gifts for your family.

The good news is that this can be the best month to be hired for a new job. If you have not already, follow up NOW on any recent interviews or applications and try to keep a positive outlook on any opportunities that may present themselves.

Many businesses, and not just those in retail, hire seasonal employees. While it may seem pointless to take a job that is only temporary, these often lead to a permanent position. You get a paycheck for a specified number of weeks and all that time you are proving to the company what an asset you are, not to mention that those numbered weeks would have been weeks where you brought in nothing had you not taken the temporary job. Many people consider this a really long job interview with work samples thrown in for good measure, which provides much more than what a resume can!

There is also a little known fact that many departments have budgets that have to be spent or else they will be allocated less money next year. In the case of spend-it-or-lose-it, these hiring managers are under a lot of pressure to hire before the clock runs out on December 31st.

These positions are not normally temporary and can be just the career boost you have been needing. Talk about a huge advantage for those in the job market!

Finally, when there is a presidential election coming up, many companies and hiring managers will be waiting to see what will happen so that they will be able to better predict their budgets and company needs for the next few years. For you this means that companies that are holding back hiring until after the election will started to go ahead and hire the staff they will need.

This is a great time to get yourself hired so dust off your resume and cover letter and get started. This whole idea may seem far away, but it'll be here before you know it so be sure to prepare yourself ahead of time and keep track of your resume. You don't want to find yourself unprepared with an opportunity presenting itself.

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5 year old needs a job before getting married - funny!

How To Land A Top Job Salary

Money can't buy happiness! It's true. But that doesn't mean we don't try to improve our prospects. More money added to your kitty every month guarantees a comfortable life by providing the basic amenities in addition to a few luxuries.

As per the latest stats, physicians, lawyers, IT professionals, product managers, design managers, tax managers and architects are among the highest paying jobs. The median base salary for these positions ranges between $100,000 and $200,000. Hence, we find most people hankering for these positions.

However, it could be a major mistake. You could land a top job salary, but you might not be meant for the job or you might not be interested in the field you choose. The way to get a satisfying, high paying job is to prepare yourself for one, in your area of liking.

Upgrade your education 

An additional degree on your resume could be what you need to get your dream job. A bachelor's degree is the minimum qualification to have if you want a decent job and salary. A master's degree or Ph.D further raises your chances of securing a top job salary.

You can continue to educate yourself even as you work fulltime. There are many colleges offering online courses and part-time programs for working students. Also, enquire if your current employer has an incentive program in place to pay for at least half your education.

Expand your skill set 

With everything moving towards an interdisciplinary approach, cross-training is an asset. In addition to being trained in your area of specialization, you should acquire skills for tasks that are outside the parameters of your job. Why do companies prefer such individuals? Because such individuals are capable of taking up broader responsibilities and serve as backup too.

Develop soft skills 

Soft skills is an umbrella term for personality traits, personal habits, social etiquette and interpersonal skills. Educational qualifications and technical expertise alone will not get you the top job salary; you need to have the right soft skills.

 
Developing your soft skills makes your more visible among the crowd. You can work on your verbal and non-verbal communication, leadership skills, team management and listening skills.


Networking 

Getting a top job salary is also about working your way up the ladder through social contacts. Hence, you need to build a resourceful network both online and offline. You should attend conferences, job fairs and trade associations where you gain a lot of job insight and also get to meet the bigwigs of your industry. You can set up a blog and share your expertise there. Promote yourself by distributing a business card.

Gain experience 

In the bid to get a better salary, many switch jobs in a short span of time. It does not reflect good on your resume as it says a lot about your poor staying power. What employers are looking for are individuals who will be able to contribute to the overall growth of the company.

Hence, avoid hopping from one job to the other. Stay with a company and show progression.
When looking for a top job salary, first evaluate your options. Consider if the high paying jobs fit your interests. Do your research on the company, ask the right questions and put yourself up as the best candidate.

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How to Make More Money and Increase Your Salary

How to Write a Good Resume

4 Quick Tips For Writing an Effective Resume

When it comes to making sure your resume is effective, there is a lot to get right, and perhaps just as much to get wrong. Here are some "dos and don'ts" when it comes to your resume.

• First thing to do for an effective resume; DO

Include a personal statement, your education, your work history, any volunteer work, and skills you possess. A resume is a tool you use to sell yourself to a company.

• Second thing to do for an effective resume; DO NOT

Lie. You might be tempted to lie about something on your resume. People might encourage you to embellish a few things to make yourself look better but ultimately, it is not worth it. Common lies include extending work dates, claiming education you do not have, and adding jobs you have never had. If you lie on your resume and are hired, you will have to keep pretending accordingly.

• Third thing to do for an effective resume; DO

Be honest. If there is a gap in your employment, a good employer would rather be told the truth than fabrication. Just because you do not meet some of the requirements for the position does not mean they will not consider you. Employers will run a background check.

• Fourth thing to do for an effective resume; DO NOT

Assume that the same resume can be used for every application. Take the time to tailor your resume to the job you are applying for. The information should remain the same but reordering sections to highlight what the employer is directly looking for will make them look at your resume twice.

As for the format of your resume, everyone has their preference but there are templates that you can use to get started. Fancy fonts and styles distract from the content. Your resume should present as much information about yourself that you can fit on 1-2 pages of text, no smaller than 11 point font. The only part of your resume that needs to be in full sentences is in the section containing your personal statement. Listing the responsibilities of previous or current jobs and skills can be done as bullet points.

An effective resume does not have to be impressive in skill or experience, it just needs to accurate and consistent with your skills to convey a professional look that expresses your abilities to perform the job you are applying for.

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How to Succeed on the Job and During a Search? It's What You Think, Stupid!

Your future success is determined by what you think about yourself right now. Your tomorrows are defined by your today's and what you think about all day long. So your future cannot be any more satisfying than the current opinions you hold of yourself.

By way of example, let's say that during grammar school one of your classmates said that you were a loser. You would hold on to that opinion of yourself to this very day. A negative byproduct of what you think about yourself is that you would be afraid to try new things for fear of failing.

And take the characteristics of poor people who become big lottery winners. They often lose it all. That's because they hold poverty opinions about themselves and are unable to invest their millions wisely. No matter how huge the jackpot they win, their reality is still one of being needy and of hardship. As a result of their thinking, they behave as poor people do.

You can change your mind

"If you believe that your current reality is fixed," said motivational author Louis C. Tice quoted on the Internet, "You get trapped in your own mistaken sense of ""This is the way it is."" You tend to think things are always going to be this way. But Tice says "the present is not permanent. You can change your mind."

What you think is how you'll act

When you possess a negative self-image, you'll act like the schlump you believe you are and always have been. So there's a need to change the image you have of you.

Happy talk

Self-image is a result of what we tell ourselves. If your self-talk is limiting, you are building limitation into your belief system. Always tell yourself who you want to be and what you want to have

Bloody Mary, a character in the Broadway play and movie South Pacific, knew this well when she sang:

"Happy talk, keep talking happy talk,Talk about things you'd like to do,
You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?"

You always act in line with the daydreams you've created for yourself

When you're able to visualize yourself as successful in your field of work, your subconscious will take over and change how and what you think and therefore act. This happens over a period of time as you work to match the new image of yourself that you hold in your head.

Tice sums it up nicely when he writes, "What you achieve is largely a matter of what you believe; in fact, you might say: believe equals achieve."

How to give yourself an attitude adjustment

So what's an attitude anyway? It's the stance you take and the outlook you have towards something or someone. You aren't born with the attitudes you hold. You've created them by habitual ways you think about a person, place, or situation. This thinking is habitual because attitudes have been programmed into you psyche..

An attitude you hold is positive when someone or something attracts you. The reverse is true when you retreat from something. In that case, you'll have a negative outlook.

Has someone ever accused you of having a bad attitude? If so, it meant you had a negative outlook because that person or situation repulsed you. On the other hand, if someone has complemented you by saying, "I like your attitude," it meant that person attracted you and you had a positive attitude towards her.

Attitude is neither good or bad until you have a goal. If your goal is to get a job in sales but are confronted with an established attitude about hating to ask for something in sales situations, you have a bad attitude. To succeed in a sales job you need to change your mind from fearing to ask for something-the order-to wanting to help customers achieve their goals by using and enjoying the wonderful product or service you provide.

Similarly, if you fear going on job interviews for the same reason, you must change your mind to wanting to show prospective employers how you can help them achieve their hiring goals.

You can eliminate lots of stress by changing your self-image from a person who fails to achieve, to one who deserves and seeks the goal he's after. This kind of visualization can help you to change your mind and your life by changing the picture you hold of yourself.

Two nice takeaways from this article

First, learn to control the way you talk to yourself or think about yourself. As an editor edits his copy, learn to edit your thoughts by substituting negative self-talk to positive and affirming "happy talk."

And second, visualize the end result you want to achieve in any area of life-from business and romance, to the job you want, the salary you deserve, and the kind work environment you desire.
Take it from Bloody Marty:

"You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream,

How you gonna have a dream come true?"

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3 Words That Can Change Your Life Forever

5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness

Assertiveness is all about being present in a relationship,” according to Randy Paterson, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships. In other words, you’re able to articulate your wants and needs to the other person, and you welcome their wants and needs as well. Being assertive is starkly different from being passive or aggressive. Paterson has a helpful analogy that distinguishes the differences. He explained:

In the passive style, all the world is allowed on stage but for you — your role is to be the audience and supporter for everyone else. In the aggressive style, you’re allowed on stage but you spend most of your time shoving the others off, like in a lifelong sumo match. With the assertive style, everyone is welcome onstage. You are entitled to be a full person, including your uniqueness, and so are others.

“Assertiveness involves advocating for yourself in a way that is positive and proactive,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC, psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance, LLC. It also means being clear, direct and honest, she said.

For instance, if you’re upset with your boss over your performance review, you’re able to express your opinion in a diplomatic and professional way, she said. Again, this is very different from the other styles. If you’re passive, you might swallow your feelings and become resentful, which can chip away at your self-esteem and boost stress and anxiety, she said. If you’re aggressive, you might curse out your boss and quit. If you’re passive-aggressive, you might call in sick and give your boss the silent treatment, she said.

Why Some People Aren’t Assertive

Why are some people assertive while others aren’t? Many factors may contribute. Stress is one. “The fight-or-flight response is an evolutionary adaptation that pulls us toward aggression or avoidance, and away from calm, relaxed assertiveness,” Paterson said.

A person’s belief system also plays a role. According to Paterson, these assertive-sabotaging stances include: “Being nice means going along with others” or “It doesn’t matter if I’m assertive, no one will pay attention anyway” or “He’ll leave me!” That’s why it’s so important to become aware of these beliefs. “[This way you] can examine them clearly and rationally and decide what to do,” he said.

People with low self-esteem may feel inadequate and have a hard time finding their voice, Marter said. Others might fear conflict, losing a relationship, criticism or rejection, she said.

If you’re a woman, you might’ve been raised to set aside your needs and opinions and support and agree with others, Paterson said. If you’re a man, you might’ve been raised to react aggressively with a “my way or the highway” view, he said. Or just the opposite, you might want to be completely different. “[These individuals may be] fearful of provoking aggression when they are present in relationships, or of being ‘a jerk like my father was.’”

 

How to Be Assertive

Assertiveness is a skill that takes practice. It may always be easier for you to swallow your feelings, scream at someone or give them the silent treatment. But assertiveness is a better strategy. It works because it respects you and others.


As Paterson writes in The Assertiveness Workbook:

Through assertiveness we develop contact with ourselves and with others. We become real human beings with real ideas, real differences…and real flaws. And we admit all of these things. We don’t try to become someone else’s mirror. We don’t try to suppress someone else’s uniqueness. We don’t try to pretend that we’re perfect. We become ourselves. We allow ourselves to be there.

These are some ideas to get you started.

1. Start small. You wouldn’t try to scale a mountain before reading a manual, practicing on a rock wall and then moving on to bigger peaks. Going in unprepared just sets you up for failure. Paterson suggested trying to be assertive in mildly tense situations, such as requesting to be seated at a different spot at a restaurant. Then gently work up to tougher situations such as talking to your spouse about infidelity issues, he said.

2. Learn to say no. People worry that saying no is selfish. It’s not. Rather, setting healthy limits is important to having healthy relationships.


3. Let go of guilt. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive or a people pleaser most of your life. The first few times it can feel unnerving. But remember that being assertive is vital to your well-being. “Assertive behavior that involves advocating for oneself in a way that is respectful of others is not wrong — it is healthy self-care,” Marter said.

Sometimes, you might be unwittingly perpetuating your guilty feelings with negative thoughts or worries. “Replace negative thoughts — such as ‘I am a bad person for not loaning my friend money’ — with a positive mantra [such as] ‘I deserve to have financial stability and not put myself in jeopardy,’” she said.

Deep breathing also helps ease your worries and anxiety. “Breathe in what you need — peace, strength, serenity — and breathe out feelings of guilt, anxiety or shame.”
And if you still feel uncomfortable, put yourself in a compassionate parent or best friend’s shoes. “Sometimes it is easier to think about speaking up for somebody else who we love than it is for ourselves,” Marter said.

4. Express your needs and feelings. Don’t assume that someone will automatically know what you need. You have to tell them. Again, be specific, clear, honest and respectful, Marter said.

Take the example of ordering food at a restaurant, she said. You’d never just order a “sandwich.” Instead you’d request a “tuna on rye with slices of cheddar cheese and tomatoes.” If you’re worried of upsetting someone, use “I” statements, which usually make people less defensive.

According to Marter, instead of saying, “You have no clue what my life is like, and you are a selfish ass,” you might say, “I am exhausted and I need more help with the kids.” What also helps is tempering your anger and speaking from a place of hurt, she said, such as: “I feel so lonely and need you to spend time with me.”

“Focus on the real issue, not the minutiae,” she said. In other words, “are you really mad that the toilet seat was left up or that you were up with the baby five times the night before?” If it’s the baby — and it likely is — be clear and specific: “I am upset that I was up with the baby five times last night and need for you to get up at least twice a night.”

5. Check out resources on assertiveness. In addition to Paterson’s The Assertiveness Workbook, Marter recommended Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (9th Edition) by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons and Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others by Judy Murphy. Paterson also suggested taking a course on effective communication.

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How to Be More Confident

What does being unstoppable mean?

Over the past years I kept examining the reasons that make some people resilient and the ones that make others helpless. I was eagerly trying to find out if there are a set of methods and actions that could make someone really unstoppable and I was right about it.

What does being unstoppable mean? Does it mean being superior or being omnipotent?
No, it only means that you will become a normal human being who will always reach what he wants.
When you become unstoppable you might feel sad or down just like anybody else but the main difference between you and them is that within few days your energy will be recharged back and you will find yourself fighting again for what you believe in.

Being unstoppable means that life problems will never stop you from reaching what you want whatever happens. In this article I will tell you how to become unstoppable.

How to become unstoppable

I don’t want you to scan the following points because they are the summary of years of research but instead read them slowly, one by one and try to relate them to situations that happened to you in your life.

The keys to becoming unstoppable:

Knowing what you should do in order to solve the problem: Lets assume you want to lose weight, by knowing the proper life style you should stick to and the proper diet you have to follow you will have enough knowledge to fight back and lose weight. Lack of knowledge results in frustration and helplessness and can prevent you from being unstoppable.

Knowing how to find the required knowledge: Suppose that you wanted to lose weight but had no idea about what you should do. If learning, reading and exploring the internet were some of your skills then you will find yourself motivated to learn about the ways to solve your problem else you will find yourself feeling helpless then depressed. In order to become unstoppable you need to be able to know how to find the required knowledge.

Believing in the knowledge you acquired: lets suppose you found few articles that told you that in order to lose weight you must follow a severe diet. If you didn’t believe that this kind of diet will work for you or if you believed that its hard for you to commit to it then most probably you will become indifferent.

Avoid the time trap: Another problem is Knowing what to do, believing in it but not having time to follow the plan because of work, studying, college....etc. This is the most popular case and it leads to frustration and depression.

The Formula for being unstoppable

Lack of knowledge results in frustration and helplessness
Not knowing how to find the required knowledge results in helplessness and depression
Not believing in the knowledge results in indifference and lack of motivation
Knowing, believing but lacking time to apply results in frustration and depression

Knowing what to do, believing in it and responding right away will result in making you resilient and unstoppable

Your goal is to find your area of weakness and fix it so that you become unstoppable. If your problem is lack of knowledge then you must learn how to find out answers through books and the internet. If your problem was not believing in the knowledge you find then you must learn how to get rid of limiting beliefs and how to find the right trusted sources.

If your problem was lack of time then you must take a week off to solve your problem then restore your normal life.



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Never give up by Nick Vujicic

Self motivation

Being self-motivated and taking initiative is vitally important to most employers. No one wants to babysit a new member of staff through their work. Equally, however, it is not right to simply ignore instructions or advice and do what you feel is right. So how do you get a balance?

What is self-motivation?

Being self-motivated is about doing your job well because you want to, and not simply because it pays your wages. Self-motivated individuals want to be the best they can be regardless of where they work and will often take responsibility for projects even when they do not need to.

Self-motivated individuals tend to:

• Work longer and later than others
• Learn new skills and take regular training courses
• Take ownership of problems
• Become team leaders
• Go above and beyond their job description

Why do employers want self-motivated people?

Self-motivated employees need a lot less managing than less determined individuals, so are highly sought after by recruitment agencies and HR departments.

If you are self-motivated, you will normally want everything you do to be of the highest quality and you will always see the bigger picture that the company is looking at. Self-motivated individuals are motivated by improving themselves, and they only way they can do this is by making the company they work for better.

How can you show you have it?

Desire and self-motivation are difficult qualities to show. Expect to be asked questions about times when you have risen to a challenge or taken control of a situation. Employers are looking for people who have taken charge of a situation and solved it in a creative or innovative way. Fundraising is a good way to show initiative, as is times when you’ve identified a problem and come up with a solution.

You can also demonstrate self-motivation by emphasising the quality of your work and the impact it has had on your studies or previous jobs.







How is self-motivation used in the world of work?

It is much easier to demonstrate self-motivation once you’ve actually landed the job. Little things like getting to work ten minutes early are noticed. Make sure you ask your manager questions and show a desire to do well – if your manager identifies an issue, go away, think about it and try to come up with a solution. Enthusiasm can go a long way.

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The Best Motivation Video 2016 - SELF MOTIVATION

5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Confidence

Self-confident people are admired by others and inspire confidence in others. They face their fears head-on and tend to be risk takers. They know that no matter what obstacles come their way, they have the ability to get past them. Self-confident people tend to see their lives in a positive light even when things aren't going so well, and they are typically satisfied with and respect themselves.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have this kind of self-confidence, every day of the week? Guess what? You can.

"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." --Barrie Davenport

It comes down to one simple question: If you don't believe in yourself, how do you expect anybody else to?

Try some of the tips listed below. Don't just read them and put them on the back burner. Really begin to practice them daily, beginning today. You might have to fake it at first and merely appear to be self-confident, but eventually you will begin to feel the foundation of self-confidence grow within you. With some time and practice (this is not an overnight phenomenon), you too can be a self-confident person, both inside and out, whom others admire and say "Yes!" to.

1. Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity

This is the time to really evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. This is a tough one, but it's time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break from Debbie Downer can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.

Be positive, even if you're not feeling it quite yet. Put some positive enthusiasm into your interactions with others and hit the ground running, excited to begin your next project. Stop focusing on the problems in your life and instead begin to focus on solutions and making positive changes.

2. Change your body language and image

This is where posture, smiling, eye contact, and speech slowly come into play. Just the simple act of pulling your shoulders back gives others the impression that you are a confident person. Smiling will not only make you feel better, but will make others feel more comfortable around you. Imagine a person with good posture and a smile and you'll be envisioning someone who is self-confident.

Look at the person you are speaking to, not at your shoes--keeping eye contact shows confidence. Last, speak slowly. Research has proved that those who take the time to speak slowly and clearly feel more self-confidence and appear more self-confident to others. The added bonus is they will actually be able to understand what you are saying.

Go the extra mile and style your hair, give yourself a clean shave, and dress nicely. Not only will this make you feel better about yourself, but others are more likely to perceive you as successful and self-confident as well. A great tip: When you purchase a new outfit, practice wearing it at home first to get past any wardrobe malfunctions before heading out.

3. Don't accept failure and get rid of the negative voices in your head

Never give up. Never accept failure. There is a solution to everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Make this your new mantra. Succeeding through great adversity is a huge confidence booster.

Low self-confidence is often caused by the negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. If you are constantly bashing yourself and saying you're not good enough, aren't attractive enough, aren't smart enough or athletic enough, and on and on, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are becoming what you are preaching inside your head, and that's not good. The next time you hear that negativity in your head, switch it immediately to a positive affirmation and keep it up until it hits the caliber of a self-confidence boost.

4. Be prepared

Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation--whatever is next on your "to conquer" list. If you are prepared, and have the knowledge to back it up, your self-confidence will soar.

5. For tough times, when all else fails: Create a great list

Life is full of challenges and there are times when it's difficult to keep our self-confidence up. Sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for, and another list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, on the wall by your desk, on your bathroom mirror--somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are. If you feel your self-confidence dwindling, take a look at those lists and let yourself feel and be inspired all over again by you.

Source 

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - Motivational Video (ft. Jaret Grossman & Eric Thomas)

3 tips to boost your confidence - TED-Ed

Quick Tips for Better Self Confidence

1) How to Feel Good When You Need to

Because self confidence and feeling good has a major 'hormonal' element, you can change the way you feel by re-living good times. If you can remember a time you felt really self confident, then excellent - use that! If not, then use a time you felt contented or happy. Taking deliberate control of your thoughts and emotions will have an huge impact on your self confidence and other areas of your life.

2) Beating Self Consciousness, Confidence Enemy No.1 

Although useful for learning about the impact you have on others, too much self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. The trick is keeping your attention off yourself when you need to. Here's how...

a) When you feel self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something outside of yourself to focus on and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.

It is a good idea to practise this technique in private first. Just sit quietly, practising focusing firstly on your own thoughts and then deliberately focusing outwards onto a picture or piece of furniture.

b) Social self confidence can be difficult to find sometimes because it is unclear what you are 'supposed to do'. In this event, concentrate on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:

• find out if you like the other people present
• make others feel comfortable
• find out some information
• make business contacts
• and so on...

It's much more difficult to feel self-conscious if your mind is occupied with a task.
People are often most comfortable with others when working towards a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, the exchange of mutually beneficial information, expanding your knowledge of different types of people... it could be whatever you want it to be! The key is to have an aim.

3) Watch Out for Undue Criticism - Especially Your Own!

Have you noticed that people will speak to themselves in a way they would never speak to others? You know the sort of thing - you break a glass and it's "You stupid idiot. You can't do anything right can you?"
Criticism that leaves the receiver feeling upset or depressed is rarely useful.
Challenging your own assumptions about yourself and other people can really help build self confidence. Here's a few to get you started:

1. Those confident-looking people have bad moments too - you just don't get to hear about them!

2. If you feel under-confident, it doesn't mean other people can tell. They're often too caught up with their 'own stuff' to notice!

3. If you catch yourself saying things to yourself like "I'm no good at anything" then rest assured, you're wrong about that. Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking and do a million other things. Emotion can make things seem hopeless when they rarely are.

Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image. If this happens, say to yourself calmly and gently, "Hold on a minute, that's not true". If you can come up with some evidence that disproves the sweeping statement, then even better. It may take a bit of effort at first, but the impact on your self confidence levels is huge.

Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason!

4. Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built!

The important thing is to get away from thinking "Why did that happen?", or "Why do I feel this way?" and towards "How would I like to feel?", "In what situations do I feel confident?" or, "What do I need to learn in order to have better self confidence in this situation?"

5. Persevere and don't expect everything at once. Really learn how to develop your self confidence by following the tips from this site and the free Self Confidence Course and notice the small differences as they happen. Building good self confidence is a wonderful thing, and it's much easier than you'd imagine.

Regular confidence boosts can make all the difference

 

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Speaking with Confidence in Work and in Life

Speaking with confidence will improve every area of your life.  The same confident tone that will make you more attractive to women will also earn you more respect and authority in the workplace.  Below are a few tips on speaking with confidence that will help you develop the strong, powerful tone for projecting confidence in any situation.

Slow down

The most common mistake men make that prevents them from speaking with confidence is speaking too quickly.  When a guy speaks quickly it often gives the impression that he’s nervous, insecure, or lacks self-control.  It’s crucial then to practice speaking at a slower, more relaxed pace.  Speaking in a calm, deliberate manner shows confidence – even dominance – and gives the impression that you’re a man who is in control.

When to start speaking

A similar mistake men make is that they rush into speaking.  During a conversation a guy may start talking the same moment (or even moments before) the other person finishes speaking.  Jumping in and talking immediately like this can make a guy look a little too eager –and even worse – make the other person may feel as though she wasn’t being heard.  A good practice then is work on pausing for a second or two after a person speaks before you start talking.  Taking your time like this shows you’re relaxed, confident, and are actually interested in what the other person is saying.

Eliminate filler words

Filler words (words as “umm”, “uhh””, “like…”, etc.) are used to take up space while a person tries to figure out what to say next.  But using them just makes a guy look uncertain of what he’s saying.  So if you want to sound more confident when speaking, eliminate these filler words completely.  What should you put in their place?  Nothing.  If you need a moment to think of what to say next simply pause and hold that silence.  Silent pauses are incredibly powerful as they build tension and suck people in.  If you can hold those brief moments of silence without feeling the need to fill that silence with useless sounds, people will start to hang off your every word.

Don’t just be loud

Men sometimes confuse speaking with confidence as speaking loudly.  While speaking loud enough to be heard is important, what matters even more that volume is your pitch and cadence (cadence is basically the rhythm of your voice).  To project confidence then, be sure to keep a low pitch and a smooth cadence when speaking (don’t bounce the pitch around, frequently going from high to low to high).  Maintaining a low, steady tone of voice is a surefire way to sound more confident.

Speaking without tension

That low, dominant tone that makes you sound confident comes about naturally when you release the tension in your voice.  The muscles in your shoulders, neck, jaw and throat all affect your voice tone so you want to relax those muscles when speaking.  To get those muscles relaxed here’s an exercise you can try:  Start by taking a slow, deep breath.  As you exhale make a noise that’s half yawn/half sigh and soften any tension you feel in your jaw, throat, neck and shoulders.  This exercise will help you become aware of the existing tension in your voice so that you’ll be able to relax that tension when speaking.

 
The importance of breathe

Taking slow, steady, deep breaths as you speak will ensure you have a slow, steady, deep voice.  The key to obtaining this kind of breath is to make sure that you’re not just breathing into your chest but instead are breathing deep into your belly.  You should be able to feel your lower rib cage expand out as you inhale and your belly should rise and fall as you breathe in and out.  If this sounds like too much to remember there’s a very simply way to think of it.  When you breathe in, imagine breathing that air deep into your balls.  Visualizing your breath like this ensures you’ll take the deep, full breaths needed for speaking with confidence.

Adding authority to your speech

When people are uncertain of what they’re saying the pitch of their voice automatically goes up at the end of a sentences.  You hear this all the time when people ask questions but it can happen when people give statements, too.  If you want to add an extra touch of authority to your speech do the opposite and end your sentences by lowering your pitch.  Even if you’re asking a question, this downward inflection is going to make you sound much more confident in what you’re asking.

Stay present

A lot of the problems mentioned above – speaking too quickly, tightening your voice, breathing into the chest instead of the belly – come about when we lose presence.  It’s when we get so wrapped up in what we should say next (or what people might think of us) that these bad habits take hold.  To prevent this, stay aware of the sound of your voice when you speak.  This will keep you grounded so those nasty habits won’t come creeping in unnoticed.

Practice improving your voice

For these tips to become a part of your natural way of speaking it’s important to practice them.  An easy way to do this is to record your voice during a phone conversation with a friend.  Listening to a recording of your voice will make you aware of some of the mistakes you’re making and areas you can improve upon.  Do this on a regular basis (maybe once a week) and it will be much easier to cut out bad speaking habits and replace them with good ones.

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