Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Feeling fear whenever you are thrusting yourself outside your comfort zone is a natural response. The challenge is to know when fear is justified and a reason to stop or when fear is just a normal part of the success journey and an opportunity for you to use the fear to sharpen your senses, where you confront the fear and go ahead anyway.

When fear is justified, for example where you may be entering into a contractual agreement with someone that is less than trustworthy, it is crucial to listen to your inner voice and to use the fear you feel to protect yourself. On the other hand, any time you thrust yourself into unchartered territory, where you are pushed outside your self-imposed comfort zone, you will feel fear too. The challenge is to know when fear is real and justified and when it is just your natural desire to seek comfort and avoid pain.

Achievers have mastered this art and they very quickly identify whether fear is justified or whether it is just a normal fear that they are feeling because they are taking a calculated risk and are pushing the boundaries of their comfort zone. You need to invest time to develop this art, where you can very quickly tell if fear is justified or whether it is just your natural aversion to inviting some risk into your life. Feeling fear is a natural protection mechanism that is built into your brain to protect you from any pending danger.

The way to enter the realm of achievement is to very quickly know whether fear is justified or not and to confront your fear, where you feel the fear and go ahead anyway or when to realise that your fear is real and you must take action to avoid the danger. You can never get rid of your fear, but you can learn the art of confronting your fear and using it to your advantage.

For example:

• Your fear of ignorance can be used to generate inspiration to constantly grow your knowledge.
• Your fear of poverty can be used to inspire you to work a little harder.
• Your fear of disease can inspire you to take better care of your body.
• The fear of losing your family can inspire you to remain faithful, work a little harder and show them love as often as possible.

The secret to becoming and remaining an achiever is to learn the art of quickly identifying the difference between harmful or justified fear or helpful fear or unjustified fear. As soon as you make the shift toward understanding how to use fear to your advantage you turn something that can be very limiting and restrictive into an asset that you can use to create massive success in your life.

Once you have learnt the art of knowing when fear is real and justified or when it is just a natural response to your attachment to stability, it is time to introduce the art of daily discipline into your life. As Roy L Smith said "Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability." Daily discipline is the key to unlock your potential and to turn you into a high performance human being, who operates at levels of super achievement.

Positive self-discipline, where you commit to carry out all the tasks you need to each day, puts you firmly in the driver's seat and over time, these consistent efforts will turn into the success you desire. Yes success does require a commitment to daily discipline and an investment of some of your valuable time, which will cost you something small each day. Failure on the other hand requires nothing from you each day, but the price you will pay in the long run will be massive. What choice do you want to make with your future?

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The Need For Self Discovery

It is very normal to feel lost in life and not know exactly what you are all about. However, you also need to make a point of getting to know your inner self to get some direction in life. Life can be confusing, plain and flat when you do not know who you are or why you are here. There are so many methods that can be used to enjoy self-discovery and to start looking at life from a whole new perspective, a purposeful one.

But why is self-understanding and discovery so important?

It helps improve relationships
Self-discovery puts you in a position where you are comfortable being the person you are. You will find that you care less about what the rest of the people think and you are no longer looking for anyone's approval to make you feel good. When this happens, the wrong people who bring negative energies in your life are shut out and you tend to attract people who love you for who you are and are not always criticizing your personality. It helps improve personal relationships.

It leads to right career choices
There are so many people out there who have ended up taking up careers they are not happy with simply because they allowed the wrong factors to guide them into the selections. With self-discovery, it becomes very easy to identify your natural talents and abilities. Hence, you get to jump into a career that suits you and brings you pleasure and satisfaction. You can relate to who you are, your outlook to things and how you get things done to choose the best career path to take and this is something that you can enjoy when you take the time to realize the inner you.

It improves mental health 

When you discover your inner self, you improve your mental health because you are happy with who you are and you become blind to the negative vibes. You will no longer be confused and this will greatly improve your moods as well. You will be a happier you and this is very good for mental health.

It improves your physical health 

Apart from the fact that self-discovery largely helps improve your mental health, you will also enjoy physical benefits as far as health goes. This is because when you reach a point where you value yourself more, you will start taking good care of yourself. You will start watching what you eat and focus on your body more; hence at the end of the day you will have a healthier you.

It helps you get better results in everything you do
This is in the sense that you have fewer distractions when you are happy with yourself and therefore you end up giving your all to everything you. The confidence you have in your abilities puts limits at bay hence you find that there is really nothing you can't achieve when you put your mind into it.

Self-discovery plays an important in generally improving the quality of life. The sooner you can unveil the inner you the better the decisions you can make thus the better the life that you lead.

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How to Improve Your Skills in Public Speaking

Today, there are many ways on how to improve your public speaking skills. Taking classes in public speaking, for one, can make you learn how to overcome your nervousness and feel confident every time you face the audience. If you can feel the confidence once you are up on stage, you can be very good in this skill. You can easily leave your mark on people and they can respect you for your talent.

Speaking in public is usually a feared event especially for beginners. But once you have learned how to cope up with your fear through formal training, you can easily get over this fear and may even excite you whenever you are tasked to speak to the crowd. Today, there are so many resources with regards to deriving the skills on speaking in public particularly from the schools and online training classes.

Benefits from Public Speaking Classes

The first thing that public speaking classes will teach you is how to overcome the edginess in you. You must know that even the experienced public speakers do get the nerves sometimes so consider this as a normal reaction but must be eliminated from your system. Getting over the shyness is tantamount to learning the techniques of mind control. It goes like once you face the audience you can instantly focus your mind on your own speech and speak in your own world. Basically, this is what the professional public speakers do. They know how to control their minds and their nerves to get that extreme confidence.

Large part of the classes in public speaking will tackle more about defeating your anxieties or shyness because anxieties are the blockades that can break your emotions and can make you feel more scared in facing your audience. In case you do your best and still cannot break the wall between you and your audience, you can always go back and review what you have learned from your classes and then try facing your audience again.

Public speaking classes will also teach you the better ways in preparing for your speech prior to the actual day of the event. You will also be trained to familiarize yourself with your surroundings and even how to visualize the venue of your speech while doing your practice speech. Experts in public speaking also do this kind of technique.

Earning You Important Tools

Learning how to focus is what your trainers will also teach you. You will learn how to confine yourself in your own speech and how to eliminate distractions from your mind. You will also be trained to be more positive so you can be able to accept mistakes as part of becoming liberal with your speech deliveries.

Completing a full class in public speaking will not only improve your skills in speaking in public but you will also be equipped with tools so that you can be able to create your speeches spontaneously and deliver it like one good professional public speaker. With your learned skills, you can have greater success with your future speaking engagement. Your memory will also be enhanced and you can automatically think of ways to get the attention of your audience when speaking in public.

If you want to know how to improve your skills in speaking in public, you must be persistent in achieving your goals. If you cannot be persistent, you cannot be able to conquer your problem. Moreover, if ever you can go along making successful speeches, your confidence level will progress for the better.

If you can find time attending public speaking classes or workshops or perhaps training courses online, you will definitely gain so much and you will definitely learn how to improve your skills in speaking in public and use it to your own advantage.

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Are Your VALUES Blocking Your SUCCESS?

With a change in my circumstances and recent problems in my life, I have been trying to define success and what it really means to each of us and I think I have worked out its foundations. I believe that the essence of our lives is our values - what matter to us the most and how they shape our world. Whether liberating or limiting, values affect everything we do.

Someone can live with a value that says: Disco dancing is not something any self-respecting person does! That's fine, but that preference ignores two important and beneficial facts about the pastime. First, that the more we exercise our bodies, the more we are relaxed by music and the healthier we are. Second, the more we take time out to simply enjoy ourselves and connect with other humans, the better we both look and feel.

Values come from our parents, to begin with, then from our peer groups and then through our workplace, from the people we routinely try to impress and, finally, from ourselves through increased awareness and knowledge. What a lot of people subconsciously deny is that they can actually change their values and thus change their lives, dramatically - almost in an instant; that values DO change as we become more aware and evolve in our lives, to match our aspirations and identity.

Every behaviour we express is done for either one of two reasons: to avoid pain or to get pleasure, according to our value system. So, if we are reluctant to change our values it is likely that we associate pain with them (the pain of disapproval, of isolation from a significant person/group, of punishment, of guilt, of disappointment or of confused identity, to name a few examples).

Values and Personal Perception

Values powerfully affect personal PERCEPTION which in turn decides our identity, beliefs, attitudes, behaviour, aspirations, purpose and the reaction from others. That's why fearful people with weak, inconsistent or superficial values tend to have no real purpose to their lives or any genuine success. It is difficult to achieve when we don't know what we want, when we prefer to blame others for our problems or are afraid to dream.

Perception is actually governed by two elements: CONFIDENCE and FEAR, the amount of each depending on personality and experience. For example, someone who is confident would be more assured in approach and more willing to experiment and move into the unknown; to give greater acknowledgement and value to others because they are likely to feel less threatened. However, someone whose perception is dominated by fear will be more anxious, perhaps developing a siege mentality, and likely to withdraw from most things in their lives. They would see everything as threatening, costly, painful or even alien to their values. They would seldom see gains, only losses. Most of their values would tend to be limiting, avoiding rather than approaching, which ultimately curtails their personal success.

Values also dictate five very important aspects of our perception:

a. Who am I?

b. What do I stand for?

c. Where am I going?

d. How much do I like myself?

e. How do I treat/relate to others?

The Effect of Congruence on Success

True SUCCESS comes when we have CONGRUENCE (or alignment) in our values and know the answers to the 5 elements above by heart. I could not be as successful as I hoped before now because I had too much incongruence and inconsistency in my life. For example, I wanted desperately to be loved by my husband but I still put up with a negative situation instead, thinking all the time things would change as I waited for him to act! Yet the key was really me taking action, not waiting for someone else to do so. I also wanted to be a successful entrepreneur through my talents, but way back as a teenager I made vows to give up material things and eschew money which has remained in my subconscious ever since. The result is that I paid little attention to the finance while focusing on the product! But the two needed to go together.

I also wanted to be creative to fulfil Items b and c, but I suppressed my creativity with my partner because he did not give my dreams or aspirations much relevance or encouragement. In fact, in my bid for approval, I accepted behaviour both in myself and others which went against my values and principles, as I tried vainly to live a 'decent' and caring life. But decency is not possible in an absence of respect. Nothing good can ever come out of incongruence and imbalance, especially when our values are constantly challenged. When we have to pretend regarding our basic needs, or to deny what we want to make us happy in order to please someone else or gain approval, we are going nowhere.

I feel as though I had to shed the old false skin of incongruity, to go to rock bottom on all fronts, especially in my marriage and business, which had lots of inconsistencies, to realise who I was and where I was going. The effect, this past few years, in particular, has been incredible. It's like being finally contented, at peace, knowledgeable and invincible.

Purpose and Meaning

Values give us both purpose and meaning. Success is thus elusive when we don't know exactly where we are heading in our life and what our purpose is. That is why many people achieve short term aims, like money or status, but still remain largely unhappy and unfulfilled. In fact, they might have great disappointment wondering if that was what it was all about. They mistakenly believe those things would provide happiness. But such transitory gains usually don't, unless they are part of the context of fulfilling an overall individual purpose at some point. Happiness comes from inside us, when we know who we are, what we stand for and where we are going; when we love ourself unconditionally and treat others with compassion, value and respect, if not love. When we actually make time for others and ourselves, the Universe delivers.

My overall purpose is simple: to make a difference to the lives of others for the rest of my life. In daily terms it translates like this: Giving either my smile, an affirmation, praise, my time, information, advice, my expertise or actual presence to someone to help their life to be more meaningful and enjoyable. One person having any of my contributions on any one day will mean 365 for the whole year. And if they each passed that on to just one other person, that will be 730. That's how I hope to impact on MY world, not the world at large because that will take care of itself in due course through the ripple effect.

The Power of Values over Decisions

Basically, wherever we are frustrated in our achievement, there is usually a value blocking the way, because it is incompatible with what we actually seek or desire, or because we have too readily compromised it! We are not being true to ourselves which generates unnecessary mental conflict and anguish. For example, we might value one thing - like honesty - but secretly have affairs, or slag off our friends and colleagues, then wonder why there is no trust at home or we have few friends! If we are also stuck in an unfulfilling job which goes against our values and which puts a salary at the heart of everything, we will continue to be unhappy, low in self-esteem and to underachieve.

People who want to 'change the world' tend to be the least likely to do anything at all because they are too focused on the big picture and become overwhelmed by it, which makes them inactive. What they forget is that changing the world is a collective responsibility. While they are busy trying to change it singlehandedly everyone else would then have nothing to do, and might even sabotage their efforts through envy or jealousy!! However, if everyone simply looked after, or impacted on, their own environment in some small way, the whole world would gradually be impacted through an outwardly rippling effect, hopefully for the better.

Do you know what your values are? If you do, what should be the most important thing for you today? Not sure? Well, it is every single DECISION you are likely to make, no matter how small. But that's another article! As long as you are sure of your values and live through them, without undue compromise, your success is guaranteed. I hope you have a fabulous day, and that your values are giving you both the confidence and the courage to make the right decisions. You could be most surprised by the results!

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Confident Thinking and Positive Action - Lessons From Science and Faith

It took me a visit to a recent conference of people of faith to see just how far we can drift from the positive over a period of time. You see, most of us may realise it on a superficial level, but not on a deep level that we are currently surrounded by a media and a world at large that is polluting our mental wellbeing with negativity. Eurocrisis here, unemployment hike there, nuclear fears over in the middle east, the list goes on, and for fear of bringing you down further I'll leave it there.

The thing is we already have our daily concerns. The weather, a loved one's health, house and car maintenance. We really don't need to take on other people's trash and hype on top of our already busy lives.

Beyond the maxim that 'bad news sells' I don't know why our 24 hour news culture is so committed to making us miserable. But it cannot be denied that there is a lot of hyperbole and exaggeration on a daily basis about how bad things are. I know you're not stupid and neither am I. The economy is not great, but there are signs of hope in the US, the engine of the world trade. Also, the Eurozone continues to hold together against the odds. If there is no good news coming towards us, why is that? Is it because the media thinks we want only bad news? For our own good as need to tune it out. The world is not nearly as bad as 24 hour news says it is. So, safeguard your mind from doomsayers. Watch less news. Don't read newspapers too much. This is not putting your head in the sand it is following a principle about taking in enough to know it, but not to wallow in, or you risk programme your mind for doomed. You probably know the phrase, 'You get what you focus on.' Its true, so don't focus on the negative.

At this conference, I realised that a fog of gloom had overtaken me for a while without me knowing. How did I realise? Because the people around me had massive faith! Faith is an antidote for depression, pessimism, cynicism, and fear. I hadn't seen nor heard such optimism in abundance for a long time, and boy, do we need that. Optimism makes things possible. It opens ths horizon, and helps us believe that life is worth living and that we can make massive strides towards the dreams we once kindled close to our hearts. Even if you say you don't believe in God, you still need to drink from a well of optimism, confidence and hope if you want to live to reach your fullest potential.

US preacher Joel Osteen seems very aware of the scientific tools of psychology and NLP when he says "Don't let negative pictures play on the movie screen of your mind. You are the director and the audience. You are in charge... change the channel...[instead] play the movie of you accomplishing your dreams." Osteen, It's Your Time, 2009.

This could easily be a life coaching manual. It could just as well be a psychologist. You see the worlds of faith and the science of psychology are so much closer than they realise, because virtually our whole life is played out in our minds. Water it and nurture it with good fertilizers and you will flourish, but if you allow yourself to be surrounded by negative people, and watch bad news all the time, you may end up bitter, angry and in regret. And I don't want that for you either. And if you don't want that for yourself then its time to call it a day.

It starts with choosing a different way, and fuelling it. Focus on the positive, declare that you want better from life, and choose to absorb things that will help you on that positive path with confidence and faith. Read nourishing literature, take a confidence course to build you up, and put what you learn into action.

There are few regrets on this positive path, only new horizons, and options explored. What have you got to lose? Nothing. But you could gain so much more.

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How To Create Unstoppable Confidence And Trust In Yourself

While the presenter talks about confidence for men, it is actually about confidence for anyone as it is based around faith in trust. Hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think.

NLP Boost your Self Esteem with this amazing technique

Here's an interesting video which gives you an opportunity to practice some NLP techniques. Let me know what you think about it!

Enjoy!

Improving Self Confidence Through Weight Loss

For a lot of people, their confidence is directly linked to how they look. If you look good then you feel good and confidence. If you don't look good then... well, you know I am sure.

The trouble is, a lot of time, these feelings don't even belong to the person involved. They are feelings induced by the media and they are not even real. The media has an obsession with people looking absolutely perfect and are quick to decry anyone for the slightly wrinkle, or crinkle or ounce of fat.

This is, of course, absolutely rubbish and the media portrayal of both men and women have contributed massively to mental health difficulties of many a person.

If you are lacking in confidence and you believe it is due to some excess weight then it is time for you to lose it. However, just losing the weight doesn't always mean you are instantly more confident. You may well need some self confidence courses to boost your confidence as it may be linked to more than just your weight.

When it comes to losing weight, it can be hard to do it by yourself unless you are supremely motivated. Many people struggle on their own because it is effectively overcoming an addiction.

Joining a support group such as Weightwatchers or Slimmers World is often an excellent way to kick start your weight loss and confidence. By joining this group you have people around you who understand what you are going through and are willing to support you. You attend a meeting every week which motivates you as you have something to work towards.

These are very effective if you have the motivation and discipline to attend every week. Too many people attend a couple of times and then decide they won't go because they've slipped off their diet. It is at these times that you must keep going because these are the times you need support the most to keep going.

You can also use hypnosis, which is very effective in helping you to lose weight. It works with your sub-conscious mind to help you change the way you think not only about food and eating, but about yourself. How you perceive yourself affects your diet plans. If you believe you are an overweight person then you will struggle with any diet. If you believe you are a thinner person then the diet will be easier.

Hypnosis is helpful in making these belief changes. You can either attend a one on one session with a hypnotherapist or you can buy one of the many hypnosis CD's on the market which are effective for the majority of people. Which you choose is up to you and your budget.

You can be improving your self confidence much easier than you think not only by shedding a few pounds but by changing your mindset. Remember that the weight loss alone may not be sufficient to improve your confidence, you may need some self confidence courses to help you become much more confident.

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Hypnosis for Weight Loss (Guided Relaxation, Healthy Diet, Sleep & Motivation)

Here's a little practical treat for you. Turn off the lights, get some headphones off find a relaxing position and see how you are affected by the power of hypnosis.

Let me know how it affects you.

25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. – E.E. Cummings

One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.

It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The key question: how do you overcome that fear?

By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.

I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further success.

This post was inspired by reader Nick from Finland, who asked for an article about self-worth and self-confidence:

Many of the things you propose make people feel better about themselves and actually help building self-confidence. However, I would be interested on reading your input in general on this topic. Taking time out for your own plans and dreams, doing things another way than most other people and generally not necessarily “fitting in” can be quite hard with a low self-confidence.

Truer words have never been spoken. It’s near impossible to make time for your dreams, to break free from the traditional mould, and to truly be yourself, if you have low self-esteem and self-confidence.

As an aside, I know that some people make a strong distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence. In this article, I use them interchangeably, even if there is a subtle but perhaps important difference … the difference being whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others (self-esteem) and whether you believe in yourself (self-confidence). In the end, both amount to the same thing, and in the end, the actions I mention below give a boost to both self-esteem and self-confidence.

Taking control of your self-confidence
If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control?

While it may not seem so, if you are low in self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.

You can become someone worthy of respect, and someone who can pursue what he wants despite the naysaying of others.

You can do this by taking control of your life, and taking control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the help of anyone else.

Below, I outline 25 things that will help you do that. None of them is revolutionary, none of them will do it all by themselves. The list certainly isn’t comprehensive. These are just some of my favourite things, stuff that’s worked for me.

And you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a recipe … pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. If they work, try others. If they don’t, try others.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.

2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.

3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much to us, more than we often realise. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why you see yourself that way, and find a way to fix it.

4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman Vincent Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.

5. Kill negative thoughts. Goes hand-in-hand with the above item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to learn to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to recognise this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed everything in my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a positive one. (“C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)

Know yourself and you will win all battles. – Sun Tzu

6. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.

7. Act positive. More than just thinking positive, you have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a difference.

8. Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.

One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation. – Arthur Ashe

9. Get prepared. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.

10. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if you just believe in them but don’t act on them.

11. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.

12. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

13. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence.

14. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.

15. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel like a million bucks.

16. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

17. Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

18. Volunteer. Related to the “be kind and generous” item above, but more specific. It’s the holiday season right now … can you find the time to volunteer for a good cause, to spread some holiday cheer, to make the lives of others better? It’ll be some of the best time you’ve ever spent, and an amazing side benefit is that you’ll feel better about yourself, instantly.

19. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude, as anyone who’s been reading this blog for very long knows well. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image.

20. Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.

All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.

21. Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.

22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.

23. Get active. Doing something is almost always better than not doing anything. Of course, doing something could lead to mistakes … but mistakes are a part of life. It’s how we learn. Without mistakes, we’d never get better. So don’t worry about those. Just do something. Get off your butt and get active — physically, or active by taking steps to accomplish something.

24. Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

25. Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the centre of the storm around me. 

Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarised in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. – Walt Disney

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