Move From Dream to Actuality

Most of us have dreams. We see ourselves in a great job, imagine being in the ideal relationship, living in a great neighborhood, writing, creating visual art... But we're not there, and we don't seem to be getting any closer to being there. Why is that, and how do we change it? How do we move from dream to actuality

Dreams are a Great Beginning

The things we imagine come from someplace deeper than our conscious mind. The place in us that is like a powerful, winding river, inexorably moving under the surface of consciousness. Moving us along our life's path, whether we know it or not, whether we want to go that way or not. Moving us in the direction of being wholly who we are. This is the place of inspiration, the place that brings ideal visions to our minds. Unfortunately, most of us are too busy anxiously trying to navigate the boulders and branches in the river to notice where the river seems to be moving us.

The First Step is Awareness

Awareness of the dream, of what we're longing for. Taking the vision seriously-more seriously than the boulders and branches. Letting it flesh itself out; dreaming into the details. If you're in a relationship that isn't quite working for you, notice what your vision of the ideal relationship consists of. What stands in the way of having that in your current relationship? Is it only something your partner habitually does, or is it also because you haven't let him or her know how their behavior affects you, and what you need in the relationship? If you feel stuck in your job, are there things you can do to change it, or could you move into a job that matches you better? If you'd like to start writing, painting or photography, is it really that there's no time or is it something else?

Overcoming the Fear

One thing that's in the way when we try to move from dream to reality is that when we think about doing it, a kind of lethargy or fatigue comes over us. This feeling is often just (just!) fear of the unknown, and when it's allowed to go on for a while, it can turn into depression. The lethargy is something inside saying "You can't do that; you don't know how; you're not good enough/smart enough; it's too risky." The vision is energizing, but when you take it seriously enough to actually think about taking a step in that direction, the inner fear takes over.

Fear is Okay

Fear is natural, because you're contemplating jumping into the unknown. Notice all the details of the fear and have a dialogue with it, as if it's a character inside of you. Often, it's actually a part of you that's trying to protect you. Let it tell you what it's afraid of. Then, together, come up with a way to take what it's saying into account. That often makes it easier to begin to move from dream to reality.

Now We're Moving!

Now you can take the first step. One of the best ways to start-keeping your vision in mind-is to divide getting there into small pieces. Notice which one is the easiest and do that one first, then enjoy your accomplishment. After that, either it gets easier to go one step after the other or you do the next easiest and enjoy your accomplishment. For example, if you hate your job and you've decided to move on, make a list of all the salient parts of the ideal job of your dreams. Does it involve interacting with a lot of people or being alone? Is it outside, in an office or maybe in a mixture of settings? Do you have fixed hours or flexible hours? What kinds of activities are involved? Etc., etc.
Now, do some research on the kinds of jobs that meet all or at least some of your vision. Do you already have all the education, skills and experience to move into such a job, or do you need to acquire more of some of them? If you do need more skills or education, what's the first thing you can do? What's the easiest thing? If you already have all that's required, what is the easiest step you can take to move in the direction of being in that job.

Now, Actually Do It!

That's the really important thing to move from dream to actuality-you have to actually do something. Darn it! So many times, the dream is so satisfying. Unfortunately, imagining yourself in the new, better situation is way easier than getting yourself to actually do what it takes to get there. One solution: creating a concrete activity and setting yourself a deadline for getting it done. Once you've accomplished the activity, give yourself credit, celebrate. Then create the next concrete activity and another deadline. Give yourself consequences for not doing it. For example, I can't do "x" until I've done the next step. Then ask, "Did I do the step? If not, what's stopping me?" It could be that fear voice from above, in which case, have the dialogue again and find out how to assuage the fear so that you can move on.

If You Need Help

If you do all of what's described above, you'll find yourself in the place of your dream.

Sometimes it takes getting some help from a coach.

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3 Words That Can Change Your Life Forever

5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Confidence

Self-confident people are admired by others and inspire confidence in others. They face their fears head-on and tend to be risk takers. They know that no matter what obstacles come their way, they have the ability to get past them. Self-confident people tend to see their lives in a positive light even when things aren't going so well, and they are typically satisfied with and respect themselves.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have this kind of self-confidence, every day of the week? Guess what? You can.

"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." --Barrie Davenport

It comes down to one simple question: If you don't believe in yourself, how do you expect anybody else to?

Try some of the tips listed below. Don't just read them and put them on the back burner. Really begin to practice them daily, beginning today. You might have to fake it at first and merely appear to be self-confident, but eventually you will begin to feel the foundation of self-confidence grow within you. With some time and practice (this is not an overnight phenomenon), you too can be a self-confident person, both inside and out, whom others admire and say "Yes!" to.

1. Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity

This is the time to really evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. This is a tough one, but it's time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break from Debbie Downer can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.

Be positive, even if you're not feeling it quite yet. Put some positive enthusiasm into your interactions with others and hit the ground running, excited to begin your next project. Stop focusing on the problems in your life and instead begin to focus on solutions and making positive changes.

2. Change your body language and image

This is where posture, smiling, eye contact, and speech slowly come into play. Just the simple act of pulling your shoulders back gives others the impression that you are a confident person. Smiling will not only make you feel better, but will make others feel more comfortable around you. Imagine a person with good posture and a smile and you'll be envisioning someone who is self-confident.

Look at the person you are speaking to, not at your shoes--keeping eye contact shows confidence. Last, speak slowly. Research has proved that those who take the time to speak slowly and clearly feel more self-confidence and appear more self-confident to others. The added bonus is they will actually be able to understand what you are saying.

Go the extra mile and style your hair, give yourself a clean shave, and dress nicely. Not only will this make you feel better about yourself, but others are more likely to perceive you as successful and self-confident as well. A great tip: When you purchase a new outfit, practice wearing it at home first to get past any wardrobe malfunctions before heading out.

3. Don't accept failure and get rid of the negative voices in your head

Never give up. Never accept failure. There is a solution to everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Make this your new mantra. Succeeding through great adversity is a huge confidence booster.

Low self-confidence is often caused by the negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. If you are constantly bashing yourself and saying you're not good enough, aren't attractive enough, aren't smart enough or athletic enough, and on and on, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are becoming what you are preaching inside your head, and that's not good. The next time you hear that negativity in your head, switch it immediately to a positive affirmation and keep it up until it hits the caliber of a self-confidence boost.

4. Be prepared

Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation--whatever is next on your "to conquer" list. If you are prepared, and have the knowledge to back it up, your self-confidence will soar.

5. For tough times, when all else fails: Create a great list

Life is full of challenges and there are times when it's difficult to keep our self-confidence up. Sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for, and another list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, on the wall by your desk, on your bathroom mirror--somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are. If you feel your self-confidence dwindling, take a look at those lists and let yourself feel and be inspired all over again by you.

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6 Actions You Can Take Every Day to Build Your Self-Confidence

Even the greatest leaders lack self-confidence at certain times. Self-confidence is not a static quality; rather, it’s a mindset that takes effort to maintain when the going gets rough. It must be learned, practiced and mastered just like any other skill. But once you master it, you will be changed for the better.

Here are six effective ways to promote your own self-confidence.

1. Act the part.

Your body language can instantly demonstrate self-assuredness, or it can scream insecurity. Present yourself in a way that says you are ready to master or take command of any situation. If you look confident and act the part you aspire to reach, you’ll not only feel in control, people will have much more confidence in you as well.

Hold your head high, sit up straight, gently bring your shoulders back to align your spine and look directly at the other person when interacting. Avoid a limp handshake and maintain good eye contact while someone is speaking to you.

2. Dress the part.

When you look better, you feel better. If you choose clothing and accessories that fit you well, suit your industry and lifestyle, and make you feel good, this will automatically increase your self-esteem. Look like the part you want to play, or in other words, suit up for success. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine in your accessories. Bold jewelry or a colorful tie can be a focal point and a good conversation starter.

3. Speak assertively.

The next time you listen to your favorite speaker, be mindful of the way he or she delivers a speech. A great speaker speaks confidently, in a steady, rhythmic tone. Instead of the “ums” and “ahs” that interrupt flow, they use pauses to emphasize ideas.

Adopt an assertive, but not aggressive, way of speaking that indicates your self-confidence. You will feel your self-esteem begin to rise. To be taken seriously, avoid high-pitched, nervous chatter or twittering giggles in your speech. People will listen to you more attentively when they see the leader radiate from within you.

4. Think and act positively.

Positive energy leads to positive outcomes, so set your mind to the can-do side of any situation, avoiding the negative self-talk that can make you feel less confident. Smile, laugh and surround yourself with happy, positive people. You’ll feel better and the people with whom you work will enjoy your company.
 

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the high points of your day and your accomplishments. You will develop more peace and confidence when you are in a grateful state of mind.

5. Take action.

There’s more to being confident than just how you look. You must act the part. Walk up to a stranger at a networking event, or accept a project you’d normally reject. Practice being self-confident and soon it will become second nature.

 
Inaction breeds doubt and fear, while action breeds confidence and courage. As an exercise, jot down your strengths and weaknesses. Most people will tell you to work on your weaknesses, but use what you've got and capitalize on your strengths instead. Once you put more energy into your positive traits, your confidence will start to shine through.

6. Be prepared.

Remember the five P’s: Prior planning prevents poor performance. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel about your expertise and competency. Preparation will help you avoid getting tripped up by life’s unexpected glitches.

Learn everything you can about your industry, your subject matter, your goals and what drives you towards success. Before you start a task, first imagine how you want to feel once you’ve completed it. Don’t try to accomplish too much at once. Break complex tasks up into small, bite-size, manageable pieces.

As U.S. Army General Creighton Williams Abrams Jr. once said, “When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” If you have patience and perseverance, you are only steps away from a more confident you.


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7 Simple Steps To Build Rapport Instantly

Does building rapport seem like some sort of mysterious skill you just don’t seem to posses? Worry not! With these seven simple steps, you’ll move from stranger to buddy with just about anybody in almost no time at all.

1) Smile sincerely.

A genuine I-love-my-life, isn’t-it-a-wonderful-day, what-could-be-better-than-this-moment smile is the best way to invite someone new into your world. Smiling at someone communicates a lot of information very quickly. A smile says, “Hello! I’m not threatening. And I like you,” all in a simple gesture that takes less than a second. There is a catch though: if you’re feeling tense and smiling anyway, people will notice. Don’t force a smile when you’re not feeling happy, instead, find a way to enjoy the moment and produce a genuine smile. Forced or tense smiles will not build rapport and will likely leave the recipient feeling confused and suspicious.

2) Make eye contact.

Eye contact is another way to quickly communicate a lot of information. Eye contact tells the other person that you care about what they’re saying. It lets others know that you’re paying attention and noticing them. Eye contact can also convey a lot of emotional content, we can easily tell by looking someone in the eye whether they’re feeling happy, sad, confused, irritated or shy. Take note of your observations as you make eye contact‒you’ll use them in a later step to build even more rapport very quickly.

3) Mirror the other person.

We humans are social creatures, and scientists have found that when we’re feeling connected to one another, we often mirror each other’s physical posture and movement. Have you ever noticed how when you’re on a really great date, you tend to take a drink at the very same time? That’s called social mirroring and you can use it to help build rapport. Again, it doesn’t work well to awkwardly fake this; instead, tune into the person you’re connecting with and allow your body to naturally begin to mirror the other person’s posture. You might lean in, smile at the same times or touch your face. Or, if the other person is more closed off and distant, you may cross your arms, lean back or look away. Either way, you’re building rapport, because when someone is feeling distant, they will still feel more connected to someone else who is equally distant than they would to someone barging into their space.

4) Touch to convey camaraderie.

If you’re noticing some connection happening already, physical touch can be a great way to take things even further. A handshake, a pat on the back or a shoulder nudge convey a sense of friendship and camaraderie. You do need to be careful not to overdo this one though. Too much physical touch too early can come off as needy and desperate. But if used sparingly, you can almost always find a good excuse for some kind of physical touch. Getting someone’s attention by touching their shoulder is a socially acceptable form of touch, even for strangers. And there’s just something comforting about being around people who are okay with physical touch.

5) Get curious.

If there’s one universal human truth, it’s that people love to talk about themselves. So the more curious you can be about another person, and the better a listener you are, the more likely others are able to feel comfortable and walk away from an interaction liking you. Imagine your own experiences of the opposite. Have you ever met someone who wouldn’t let you get a word in edgewise? This person just kept talking about themselves all night long without even a question for you and certainly without a concern about how incredibly bored you were. Don’t be that person. Instead, get genuinely curious about what makes this other person tick. What are their likes and dislikes? What are they passionate about? What are their dreams? Building rapport is all about showing an interest in the other person and being likable. So trust me; let them do more of the talking and you’ll build better rapport every single time.

6) Appreciate, and show it.

On the other hand, you can’t just check out and forget what the other person is sharing. You do have to actually stay engaged, and one of the best ways to be joyfully engaged is to practice appreciation. When we’re enjoying and appreciating someone else, we naturally do the things I’ve already mentioned. We smile more, make more eye contact, reach out to touch them, mirror their posture and want to know more about them. But sharing your appreciation is where it becomes an art form.
Sure, a lot of your appreciation comes across in your body language or the kind look in your eye, but if you want to kick things up a notch, try verbally sharing something specific that you’re appreciating. “Wow, I noticed that when you talked about your mom, your smile was so warm and I could just feel how much you love her. It’s heartwarming to be around someone who loves their mom as much as you do.” Or, “Ha! When you just mentioned that thing about your boss, I thought, wow, I’m glad we don’t work together! You’re feisty and I like it!” One more note on this: the more authentic and real you can be as you share what you’re appreciating, the better. Just making something up or saying something canned won’t come across as genuine. Instead, find something you truly appreciate, even if it seems odd or off-the-wall. Everyone I know would prefer a unique but real moment of appreciation to some canned line about pretty eyes.

7) Share a highlight.

In the same vein, after you’ve been talking for a while, but before the conversation ends, share a highlight with the other person. This leaves them with a moment in time that you most enjoyed during your encounter, and it almost always garners a smile and a, “wow, that was fun,” kind of feeling. For example, “It’s been really great talking with you, and you know, my favorite moment was when I told you that joke and you almost spit your drink out all over the table. That was awesome.” Or, “I’ve really had fun talking with you, but I felt the closest to you when you got all choked up talking about your dad. Thanks for sharing that with me.”

So there you have it: seven simple steps to quickly building rapport with anybody! I would love to hear how it goes, so please feel free to try these out and report back.

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