Move From Dream to Actuality

Most of us have dreams. We see ourselves in a great job, imagine being in the ideal relationship, living in a great neighborhood, writing, creating visual art... But we're not there, and we don't seem to be getting any closer to being there. Why is that, and how do we change it? How do we move from dream to actuality

Dreams are a Great Beginning

The things we imagine come from someplace deeper than our conscious mind. The place in us that is like a powerful, winding river, inexorably moving under the surface of consciousness. Moving us along our life's path, whether we know it or not, whether we want to go that way or not. Moving us in the direction of being wholly who we are. This is the place of inspiration, the place that brings ideal visions to our minds. Unfortunately, most of us are too busy anxiously trying to navigate the boulders and branches in the river to notice where the river seems to be moving us.

The First Step is Awareness

Awareness of the dream, of what we're longing for. Taking the vision seriously-more seriously than the boulders and branches. Letting it flesh itself out; dreaming into the details. If you're in a relationship that isn't quite working for you, notice what your vision of the ideal relationship consists of. What stands in the way of having that in your current relationship? Is it only something your partner habitually does, or is it also because you haven't let him or her know how their behavior affects you, and what you need in the relationship? If you feel stuck in your job, are there things you can do to change it, or could you move into a job that matches you better? If you'd like to start writing, painting or photography, is it really that there's no time or is it something else?

Overcoming the Fear

One thing that's in the way when we try to move from dream to reality is that when we think about doing it, a kind of lethargy or fatigue comes over us. This feeling is often just (just!) fear of the unknown, and when it's allowed to go on for a while, it can turn into depression. The lethargy is something inside saying "You can't do that; you don't know how; you're not good enough/smart enough; it's too risky." The vision is energizing, but when you take it seriously enough to actually think about taking a step in that direction, the inner fear takes over.

Fear is Okay

Fear is natural, because you're contemplating jumping into the unknown. Notice all the details of the fear and have a dialogue with it, as if it's a character inside of you. Often, it's actually a part of you that's trying to protect you. Let it tell you what it's afraid of. Then, together, come up with a way to take what it's saying into account. That often makes it easier to begin to move from dream to reality.

Now We're Moving!

Now you can take the first step. One of the best ways to start-keeping your vision in mind-is to divide getting there into small pieces. Notice which one is the easiest and do that one first, then enjoy your accomplishment. After that, either it gets easier to go one step after the other or you do the next easiest and enjoy your accomplishment. For example, if you hate your job and you've decided to move on, make a list of all the salient parts of the ideal job of your dreams. Does it involve interacting with a lot of people or being alone? Is it outside, in an office or maybe in a mixture of settings? Do you have fixed hours or flexible hours? What kinds of activities are involved? Etc., etc.
Now, do some research on the kinds of jobs that meet all or at least some of your vision. Do you already have all the education, skills and experience to move into such a job, or do you need to acquire more of some of them? If you do need more skills or education, what's the first thing you can do? What's the easiest thing? If you already have all that's required, what is the easiest step you can take to move in the direction of being in that job.

Now, Actually Do It!

That's the really important thing to move from dream to actuality-you have to actually do something. Darn it! So many times, the dream is so satisfying. Unfortunately, imagining yourself in the new, better situation is way easier than getting yourself to actually do what it takes to get there. One solution: creating a concrete activity and setting yourself a deadline for getting it done. Once you've accomplished the activity, give yourself credit, celebrate. Then create the next concrete activity and another deadline. Give yourself consequences for not doing it. For example, I can't do "x" until I've done the next step. Then ask, "Did I do the step? If not, what's stopping me?" It could be that fear voice from above, in which case, have the dialogue again and find out how to assuage the fear so that you can move on.

If You Need Help

If you do all of what's described above, you'll find yourself in the place of your dream.

Sometimes it takes getting some help from a coach.

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Never give up by Nick Vujicic

Speaking with Confidence in Work and in Life

Speaking with confidence will improve every area of your life.  The same confident tone that will make you more attractive to women will also earn you more respect and authority in the workplace.  Below are a few tips on speaking with confidence that will help you develop the strong, powerful tone for projecting confidence in any situation.

Slow down

The most common mistake men make that prevents them from speaking with confidence is speaking too quickly.  When a guy speaks quickly it often gives the impression that he’s nervous, insecure, or lacks self-control.  It’s crucial then to practice speaking at a slower, more relaxed pace.  Speaking in a calm, deliberate manner shows confidence – even dominance – and gives the impression that you’re a man who is in control.

When to start speaking

A similar mistake men make is that they rush into speaking.  During a conversation a guy may start talking the same moment (or even moments before) the other person finishes speaking.  Jumping in and talking immediately like this can make a guy look a little too eager –and even worse – make the other person may feel as though she wasn’t being heard.  A good practice then is work on pausing for a second or two after a person speaks before you start talking.  Taking your time like this shows you’re relaxed, confident, and are actually interested in what the other person is saying.

Eliminate filler words

Filler words (words as “umm”, “uhh””, “like…”, etc.) are used to take up space while a person tries to figure out what to say next.  But using them just makes a guy look uncertain of what he’s saying.  So if you want to sound more confident when speaking, eliminate these filler words completely.  What should you put in their place?  Nothing.  If you need a moment to think of what to say next simply pause and hold that silence.  Silent pauses are incredibly powerful as they build tension and suck people in.  If you can hold those brief moments of silence without feeling the need to fill that silence with useless sounds, people will start to hang off your every word.

Don’t just be loud

Men sometimes confuse speaking with confidence as speaking loudly.  While speaking loud enough to be heard is important, what matters even more that volume is your pitch and cadence (cadence is basically the rhythm of your voice).  To project confidence then, be sure to keep a low pitch and a smooth cadence when speaking (don’t bounce the pitch around, frequently going from high to low to high).  Maintaining a low, steady tone of voice is a surefire way to sound more confident.

Speaking without tension

That low, dominant tone that makes you sound confident comes about naturally when you release the tension in your voice.  The muscles in your shoulders, neck, jaw and throat all affect your voice tone so you want to relax those muscles when speaking.  To get those muscles relaxed here’s an exercise you can try:  Start by taking a slow, deep breath.  As you exhale make a noise that’s half yawn/half sigh and soften any tension you feel in your jaw, throat, neck and shoulders.  This exercise will help you become aware of the existing tension in your voice so that you’ll be able to relax that tension when speaking.

 
The importance of breathe

Taking slow, steady, deep breaths as you speak will ensure you have a slow, steady, deep voice.  The key to obtaining this kind of breath is to make sure that you’re not just breathing into your chest but instead are breathing deep into your belly.  You should be able to feel your lower rib cage expand out as you inhale and your belly should rise and fall as you breathe in and out.  If this sounds like too much to remember there’s a very simply way to think of it.  When you breathe in, imagine breathing that air deep into your balls.  Visualizing your breath like this ensures you’ll take the deep, full breaths needed for speaking with confidence.

Adding authority to your speech

When people are uncertain of what they’re saying the pitch of their voice automatically goes up at the end of a sentences.  You hear this all the time when people ask questions but it can happen when people give statements, too.  If you want to add an extra touch of authority to your speech do the opposite and end your sentences by lowering your pitch.  Even if you’re asking a question, this downward inflection is going to make you sound much more confident in what you’re asking.

Stay present

A lot of the problems mentioned above – speaking too quickly, tightening your voice, breathing into the chest instead of the belly – come about when we lose presence.  It’s when we get so wrapped up in what we should say next (or what people might think of us) that these bad habits take hold.  To prevent this, stay aware of the sound of your voice when you speak.  This will keep you grounded so those nasty habits won’t come creeping in unnoticed.

Practice improving your voice

For these tips to become a part of your natural way of speaking it’s important to practice them.  An easy way to do this is to record your voice during a phone conversation with a friend.  Listening to a recording of your voice will make you aware of some of the mistakes you’re making and areas you can improve upon.  Do this on a regular basis (maybe once a week) and it will be much easier to cut out bad speaking habits and replace them with good ones.

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42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself - Part 1

Are you someone who likes to grow? Do you constantly seek to improve yourself and become better?

If you do, then we have something in common. I’m very passionate about personal growth. It was just 4 years ago when I discovered my passion for growing and helping others grow. At that time, I was 22 and in my final year of university. As I thought about the meaning of life, I realized there was nothing more meaningful than to pursue a life of development and betterment. It is through improving ourselves that we get the most out of life.

After 1.5 years of actively pursuing growth and helping others to grow through my personal development blog, I realize there is never an end to the journey of self improvement. The more I grow, the more I realize there is so much out there I don’t know, so much that I have to learn. For sure, there is always something about ourselves we can improve on. The human potential is limitless, so it’s impossible to reach a point of no growth. Whenever we think we are good, we can be even better.

As a passionate advocate of growth, I’m continuously looking for ways to self-improve. I’ve compiled 42 of my best tips which might be helpful in your personal growth journey. Some of them are simple steps which you can engage in immediately. Some are bigger steps which takes conscious effort to act on. Here they are:

1. Read a book every day. Books are concentrated sources of wisdom. The more books you read, the more wisdom you expose yourself to. What are some books you can start reading to enrich yourself? Some books I’ve read and found useful are Think and Grow Rich, Who Moved My Cheese, 7 Habits, The Science of Getting Rich and Living the 80/20 Way. I’ve heard positive reviews for The Tipping Point, Outliers and The Difference Maker, so I’ll be checking them out soon.

2. Learn a new language. As a Singaporean Chinese, my main languages are English, Mandarin and Hokkien (a Chinese dialect). Out of interest, I took up language courses in the past few years such as Japanese and Bahasa Indonesian. I realized learning a language is a whole new skill altogether and the process of acquainting with a new language and culture is a totally a mind-opening experience.

3. Pick up a new hobby. Beyond just your usual favorite hobbies, is there something new you can pick up? Any new sport you can learn? Examples are fencing, golf, rock climbing, football, canoeing, or ice skating. Your new hobby can also be a recreational hobby. For example, pottery, Italian cooking, dancing, wine appreciation, web design, etc.  Learning something new requires you to stretch yourself in different aspects, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.

4. Take up a new course. Is there any new course you can join? Courses are a great way to gain new knowledge and skills. It doesn’t have to be a long-term course – seminars or workshops serve their purpose too. I’ve been to a few workshops and they have helped me gain new insights which I had not considered before.

5. Create an inspirational room. Your environment sets the mood and tone for you. If you are living in an inspirational environment, you are going to be inspired every day. In the past, I didn’t like my room at all because I thought it was messy and dull. A few years ago, I decided this was the end of it – I started on a “Mega Room Revamp” project and overhauled my room. The end result? A room I totally relish being in and inspires me to be at my peak every day.

6. Overcome your fears. All of us have fears. Fear of uncertainty, fear of public speaking, fear of risk… All our fears  keep us in the same position and prevent us from growing. Recognize that your fears reflect areas where you can grow. I always think of fears as the compass for growth. If I have a fear about something, it represents something I’ve yet to address, and addressing it helps me to grow.

7. Level up your skills. If you have played video games before especially RPGs, you’ll know the concept of leveling up – gaining experience so you can be better and stronger. As a blogger, I’m constantly leveling up my writing skills. As a speaker, I’m constantly leveling up my public engagement abilities. What skills can you level up?

8. Wake up early. Waking up early (say, 5-6am) has been acknowledged by many (Anthony Robbins, Robin Sharma, among other self-help gurus) to improve your productivity and your quality of life. I feel it’s because when you wake up early, your mindset is already set to continue the momentum and proactively live out the day. Seth recently wrote a waking up early series which you should check out to help cultivate this habit.

9. Have a weekly exercise routine. A better you starts with being in better physical shape. I personally make it a point to jog at least 3 times a week, at least 30 minutes each time. You may want to mix it up with jogging, gym lessons and swimming for variation.

10. Start your life handbook. A life handbook is an idea I started 3 years ago. Basically, it’s a book which contains the essentials on how you can live your life to the fullest, such as your purpose, your values and goals. Sort of like your manual for your life. I started my life handbook since 2007 and it’s been a crucial enabler in my progress.

How Does Fear Hold You Back?

Fear can be a very debilitating emotion. We use it instinctively to keep us from perceived dangers but sometimes exaggerate the feeling and attribute it to situations in which fear should not be an issue. When fear becomes overwhelming it can negatively affect our emotional state, our physical condition, and our psychological well being. Thoughts spiral around themselves and alter our perception, rationality, and comprehension, limiting our expectations, reducing our productivity, augmenting the complexity of problems, and impeding our ability to survive. Understanding the mechanism behind our fears can help overcome them by addressing the nucleus of the problem.

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is closely related to fear of criticism and fear of rejection and can be greatly incapacitating. Rather than successfully achieving a desired result, those who have a fear of failure imagine themselves unable to achieve a task or reach their goals and thus feel guilty or ashamed of their lack of productivity, often even before initial attempts. Rather than focusing on the possibilities of success, they envision the possibilities of failure. Feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and eagerness shift to helplessness, hopelessness, and despair leaving the person discouraged (without the courage) to overcome the mountains they created out of molehills. People who fear failure essentially fear the large shadow that emanates from a small challenge.
To justify their negative perception, people who fear failure will often omit action or engage in ineffective action. Rather than learning from a mistake and improving the action(s) to perform, the failure leads to an abandonment of the mission or goal to achieve.

Fear of Success

Similar to fear of failure, fear of success is related to the fear of living up to one’s capacities and achievements and often leads to self-limitation or self-sabotages. The belief is that success tests one’s limits and makes one vulnerable to new situations with a higher level of responsibility. If one climbs to higher levels, the mistakes have more value and can be more detrimental. One is also forced to live up to a higher potential and must maintain good efforts consistently. In other words, the fear is not of achieving a single goal once but of having to achieve repeatedly and maintaining the higher standard.
People who fear success may undervalue or doubt their own worthiness for success. They may not want to excel because they do not want to stand out from the crowd and thus be observed by others. They fear being judged negatively or disappointing others if they do not meet the higher potential they set up for themselves. This may lead to negative self-talk and the limitation of potential action for “fear is but a dark room where negatives develop” (Usman B. Asif).

Fear of the Unknown

To prosper, succeed and achieve a higher self requires adherence to challenge and change. Such a step asks for one to step away from the known and move towards the unknown with valor and vigor. However, since the unknown presents indefinite outcomes and unfamiliar circumstances, it sometimes shifts away from a sense of safety and security in routine and familiarity. That which is well-known is effortless and undemanding; allowing one to remain sheltered in predictability. Unfortunately, remaining within the limits of what is familiar and refraining from thinking outside the box with inhibit excellence, success

Overcoming one’s Fears

With careful examination of the thoughts and beliefs systems that form one’s fears, one can obtain an objective perspective of the fears and learn to overcome them by becoming desensitized to them. Once a better understanding is achieved, we can more easily and readily summon the necessary strength, courage and confidence needed to overcome them. Recognizing that any outcome of our actions, whether they are successes, failures or non-actions, are all forms of feedback, none of which should be feared. The bigger our fears grow, the further our dreams seem to be.
So, what would you do if you weren't afraid?

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