1 Hour Leadership Development Program - 14 Leadership Tips - Tips 5 - 9

Leadership Tips 5 of 14: Courage builder
Courage is the strength and power of leadership. Most people don't like to take risk. They don't even initiate opportunities, because of fear of losing or the change involved in it. People are afraid to take ownership of situation, either it be a good situation or bad situation. And, if it's a bad situation it's the blame game they play. Eliminate fear! The best way to control or win fear is to face it with mental strength and determination.

Leadership Tips 6 of 14: Creativity - cultivate different seeds
Creative ideas lead over experience and existing winners. It cuts every limit to success.
Stop doing the same thing over and over, stop imitating what others did. Most inventions or creative ideas evolve when men are alone, while day dreaming during their leisure time and when their mind is relaxed and full with positive energy.

Leadership Tips 7 of 14: Change adaptability
Learn to manage change. Life is full of choices and compromises. It's dynamic and changing. The environment around us is changing, society is changing, people are changing, technology is changing, and almost everything is changing. The best way to manage change is to embrace it. Anticipate it, monitor it, accept it, adapt to it & enjoy it. Make, 'change' part of your life, a leader is a continuous learner so he has to change continuously by enhancing skills and move forward.

Leadership Tips 8 of 14: Setting the environment
Set the office environment right, display or hang motivational posters, product banners, policy documents, incentive charts, mission statement etc around. Display employee performance chart and best performer awards and photos around. Establish a positive quality environment where the staffs are motivated to deliver their best.

Leadership Tips 9 of 14: Communication with understanding
The greatest road block in communication is our tendency to evaluate or make judgments once you hear or see something. This is our natural urge. We usually agree or disagree to a statement from our point of view. Suppose this statement on which you evaluate has greater emotions, feelings and a strong message then your reactions will be sensitive. Either you approve or disapprove the attitude expressed. This impulse to evaluate any emotionally meaningful statement from our point of view is what blocks interpersonal communication.

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Self Understanding, The First Step to Understanding Others

Some years ago I ran into a small study booklet titled, "Self Understanding, the First Step to Understanding Others". The book left a favorable impression on me. Ever since I have been struggling with the theme of self understanding. I pursued the topic at the graduate student level and presented a Master's Degree thesis titled, " The Interpersonal Dimension of Communicating the Gospel". I was the Pastor of a Christian Church at the time. I received the degree along with the interesting comment by the professor that the theme was a bit unusual! Indeed! Nonetheless, the topic of understanding interpersonal communication at any level and in a variety of settings both personal and professional remains to this day.

How to communicate with others, how to frame, verbalize conversation so that sharing thoughts, emotions and consequent behavior result in understanding each other remains quite a challenge. Yes, I can agree just to be agreeable. I can nod, smile, frown, contradict all I want, the matter of experiencing understanding of another is fraught with many peaks and valleys. To this day! But I try and will continue otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post.
 
A few clarifications on the topic. I well know that many would consider the topic very self centered, egotistical and undesirable. Always thinking about himself. His center of the universe is himself which revolves around his wants, wishes and desires. On the other hand, I am talking about self awareness which means self knowledge that what I do and say and behave is desirable to be a good citizen, a useful and productive personality. Furthermore, it compels me to take responsibility for my entire being. And that is quite a responsibility for any one. It is especially relevant in this day and age where placing blame on others is quite popular in both personal and political discourse.

Self awareness suggests a good look in the mirror to own up to how I operate, my attitudes, inclinations hopes and dreams fears and anxieties. This permits me to live my days in a useful and productive manner. I recognize what is commonly called either positive or negative attributes. For example, if I look for the bad in others, I will find it. I if need to be critical of others I can find things to criticize. No problem. If, on the other hand, I chose to look for the good, the positive qualities in others I can find that too.

But the bottom line, I must first look at myself and be a critic of my attitudes, behavior and not chronically look at what is wrong with others. This is the foundation when seeking professional help in relationships whether marriage, family or professional. The inclination is to blame another for any problems rather than seek to understand in what way the client is relating to another. It is not a matter of what is wrong with them, it is what is wrong about me. In fact, it can also be a matter of what is right as well. But it begins with the "I" in things.

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Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior.

10 Ways to Enhance Your Listening Skills

Do you prefer talking to listening?
Do you consider yourself a good listener or a poor one?
Do you like to enhance your listening skills?

If your answer is yes to at least one of the questions above, I have good news for you. The good news is that in this article you will learn 10 ways to enhance your listening skills. Are you ready to learn these ten ways and apply them in your day to day interactions with people? Great!

Believe it or not, most of us like talking more than listening because we find it easier, because we have been schooled in speaking, reading, and writing but not much in listening. But remember we have been given two ears and one tongue, so we should listen twice as much as we talk!

I have a 4 year-old daughter and she knows exactly whether I am listening to her or not. When I am not, she comes closer to me, takes my head into her little hands, and makes me have eye contact with her while she is talking. So, when small children understand whether we are listening to them or not, how can't our colleagues, employees, customers, supervisors, and friends recognize that?

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. Effective listening is an art. It will help you understand another person's thoughts, feelings and actions. When you listen to another person attentively and emphatically, you will create a bond between the two of you, which will promote the relationship. Therefore, it is really important to improve our listening skills in order to be able to receive the maximum benefit from whoever talks to us no matter on which topic they talk about.
Following are ten ways that can help you become more effective listeners:

Control Your Mind

We think four times faster than we talk. That is why when someone is talking to us our mind may race ahead and as a result we get off track and lose our connection with the speaker. For instance when the speaker says "Mexico", the listener may start thinking about Mexico and imagine himself or herself in Mexico or remember his/her experience related to Mexico without even listening to what the speaker wanted to say about Mexico.

In order to resolve this issue, you need to control your mind. When you find your mind racing during someone's speech/talk, stop, pause, get on track, and relate your own experience with the speaker's presentation. Although controlling your mind is not easy at the beginning, by practice you can gradually become better and better in following what the speaker is saying.

Be Patient and Concentrate

To become more effective in listening you need to be patient and concentrate on what the other person is saying. Don't try to finish the other person's sentence or come to conclusion without listening patiently to the whole story. To concentrate on what the other person is saying, don't attempt to listen to other things at the same time. Also don't do other things (e.g. working with computer, watching TV, reading book) while listening to the speaker.

Show that You Are Listening

Leaning forward, having facial expressions, making eye contact, and nodding your head are among the most effective ways to show the speaker that you are listening to him/her. When you show that you are listening, the speaker will connect with you better and he/she will also listen to you effectively when it is your turn to talk.

Don't Make Assumptions

We normally tend to make assumptions when we hear somebody talk. We may say things like "I've heard him before", "he doesn't have anything new to say", "she is always boring", etc. are assumptions that we make when someone wants to talk to us and as a result we choose not to listen to them effectively. By making no assumptions, we would welcome the speaker and be able to listen to him/her more effectively and openly.

Decide to Learn Something

When you choose to learn something from anyone whom you listen to, you condition your mind to focus and search for something to learn. We all can learn at least one point from anyone's speech if we want to.

Act as an Evaluator

When we want to evaluate someone's talk, we tend to listen more attentively in order to notice the positive points as well as the points for improvement. Therefore, when you listen to someone act as an evaluator.

Take Notes

Taking notes while listening to someone is also one of the effective ways to show your interest in the speaker. Just remember to still make eye contact with the speaker occasionally so that they know that you are actually paying attention to what they are saying.

Reduce Noise and Distractions

Many times distractions such as noisy conditions, someone passing by, music playing in the background, TV on, etc. impact the efficiency of our listening. As such, we may not be able understand what exactly the other person is saying. By reducing noise and distractions we can become more present and listen more effectively to the speaker.

Paraphrase What You Hear

By paraphrasing what you hear, you make sure that you have understood what you have heard. You also show that you have interest in what the speaker is sharing with you.

Don't Interrupt

Since we think faster than we talk, many times we tend to interrupt the speaker in order to make our point or tell them what we think before we forget that. Interrupting someone who is talking to you means that you are not actually listening to them. By letting the speakers finish what they have to say you show your respect toward them.

In summary, a key to good listening is not only hearing, but also understanding what you have heard. Good listening requires as much energy as does speaking. As a Chinese proverb says, "To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation". So by actively and effectively listening to others tell them that you care.
Happy Listening!

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Communicate to Win - 3 Steps to Help You Get the Results You Want

"I shouldn't have said that".

"I should have said this instead."

"Maybe that email was too strong."

"Maybe that email wasn't strong enough."

"Was it clear?"

How many times have you made one of these statements, or replayed a conversation you had over and over in your head? Maybe that email took you close to 30 minutes to write but after hitting send, you scramble to get the recall message hoping that you can take it back, or replace it before it's seen.
Is that you? If it is, you're not alone.

Are you communicating to win?

And by win, I mean achieve effective results.
Do you stop to think about what goal you want to achieve before you have a conversation, or draft an email?

After all, we plan and prepare for presentations, speeches, and other notable events, so why don't our everyday conversations, especially those with high stakes, not require or generate the same amount of care?

Let me share three quick and easy steps that will save you time by getting to the core of what you want to say, and how you need to say it.

Step 1

Identify your communication goals.

Ask: What do they need to know? What do they not need to know?

Example:
They need to know that I'm proud of the effort they took to finish this project before the deadline.
They need to know that I won't take no for an answer and I'll show up every day, asking same question a different way.
They need to know that I'm on the way out, and nothing they say can make me stay.
They need to know I want them to succeed and I that I believe in them.

Step 2

Identify your communication outcome

Ask: What end result do I want from this communication?

Example:
I want them to plan the next project better to avoid the late nights and cutting into personal time.
I want them to schedule a firm appointment to avoid being pestered every day.
I want them to acknowledge that I've made a firm decision.
I want them to walk away knowing that I genuinely care.
Sometimes your communication outcome doesn't require any action on the part of the recipient. That is okay. The key is to identify the outcome or result you do want based on the identified communication needs in step one.

Step 3

Identify your positioning

Ask: What words or phrases will I use to communicate the outcomes in step 2?
What tone should I use? When should I best approach this topic?

"It's not what you say, but how you say it." (unknown)

Answer:

Arm yourself with a few key phrases when you don't know what to say. Sarita Maybin provides some good leading examples in her book If You Can't Something Nice, What DO You Say?

Some examples are:
Help me understand...
You may not realize that...
Would you be willing to?...
I noticed... ,and I'm wondering...
I'm concerned that...

Use dictionary.com's thesaurus tool to help identify similar words and different ways to say something.

Avoid using the word "but" after making a positive statement. Regardless of what you've said before the use of the word, the recipient will often tend to gravitate to what comes after the word "but" in a sentence.

Example:

I think you are a great father, but you need to spend more time with the kids.
You did a good job with the presentation, but it could have been shorter.
I do like your new hairstyle, but I liked it the way it was before.

Instead, end the positive statement and let it stand on its own, or replace the word 'but,' with 'and.'
For example, I do like your new hairstyle,and I also liked it the way it was before.
See the difference?

With your communication needs and outcomes identified, thinking for a few minutes about the best way to get that point across is probably the most challenging, and helpful step. There is no one size fits all approach to communication, and no matter how much you plan, there simply aren't any guarantees on the outcomes of a communication event. With planning steps in place, though, your chances of improved performance and achieving effective results increases.

What are some helpful phrases or tips you've used in your communications with others? Please share them in the comments below.

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Communication That Isn't Perfect

Are you ever worried that your communication isn't perfect? Before your conversation (i.e. in your head), you know what you want to say and how you want to say it. You may have also considered what the other person's thoughts or objections may be. You may even have learnt some new techniques (be it in training or coaching), but when put into practice it doesn't quite work out.

Communication is rarely going to be perfect. No two moments are the same, and no two conversations will be the same. So, rather than give ourselves a hard time if our discussion didn't go to plan, we have a great opportunity to learn from the imperfections!

Stressing out about a conversation, and trying to make it perfect, can only make it harder to do. And by being anxious, you also can't be the most effective YOU.

I remember going into appraisals with my team, concerned about how I was going to say the right thing, especially if it was going to be thought of as criticism. How do I position it, when do I say it, will they accept it or will the barriers go up and we achieve nothing?

Human nature, and therefore communication, is complicated. We have different preferences, different working styles, different tolerances and different motivational needs. We also have different experiences and knowledge we draw upon when we enter any kind of communication. What we hear and how we feel about the conversation is based on our own personal thoughts, and not necessarily what is being said to us.

I've always loved this quote: "I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant." - Pentagon Spokesman, Robert McCloskey

But we can help ourselves get the best out of our communication style. By relaxing, and accepting that every conversation will be different, we take the pressure off. We are then activating our executive part of our brain, where we can make connections and notice what is happening during the conversation.

To help yourself (and the other party) get the best from the communication:

• Develop self-awareness to understand how your attitudes, behaviours and beliefs contribute to your communication style.
• Develop your leadership skills to understand and appreciate different personality types and motivational needs.
• Develop the confidence to actively listen, make mistakes and encourage people to contribute to discussions.
• Understand how cognitive biases could be at play in your decision making and discussions.
• Take notice of where someone with a different point of view and challenge your thinking on it.

 
When we are not busy stressing about our own "performance" during the conversation, we can watch for tone and facial expressions. We can sense when someone has put their barriers up, or is no longer listening. We can bring authenticity. And therefore, we no longer have to worry about communication that isn't quite perfect.

 

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3 tips to boost your confidence - TED-Ed

6 Actions You Can Take Every Day to Build Your Self-Confidence

Even the greatest leaders lack self-confidence at certain times. Self-confidence is not a static quality; rather, it’s a mindset that takes effort to maintain when the going gets rough. It must be learned, practiced and mastered just like any other skill. But once you master it, you will be changed for the better.

Here are six effective ways to promote your own self-confidence.

1. Act the part.

Your body language can instantly demonstrate self-assuredness, or it can scream insecurity. Present yourself in a way that says you are ready to master or take command of any situation. If you look confident and act the part you aspire to reach, you’ll not only feel in control, people will have much more confidence in you as well.

Hold your head high, sit up straight, gently bring your shoulders back to align your spine and look directly at the other person when interacting. Avoid a limp handshake and maintain good eye contact while someone is speaking to you.

2. Dress the part.

When you look better, you feel better. If you choose clothing and accessories that fit you well, suit your industry and lifestyle, and make you feel good, this will automatically increase your self-esteem. Look like the part you want to play, or in other words, suit up for success. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine in your accessories. Bold jewelry or a colorful tie can be a focal point and a good conversation starter.

3. Speak assertively.

The next time you listen to your favorite speaker, be mindful of the way he or she delivers a speech. A great speaker speaks confidently, in a steady, rhythmic tone. Instead of the “ums” and “ahs” that interrupt flow, they use pauses to emphasize ideas.

Adopt an assertive, but not aggressive, way of speaking that indicates your self-confidence. You will feel your self-esteem begin to rise. To be taken seriously, avoid high-pitched, nervous chatter or twittering giggles in your speech. People will listen to you more attentively when they see the leader radiate from within you.

4. Think and act positively.

Positive energy leads to positive outcomes, so set your mind to the can-do side of any situation, avoiding the negative self-talk that can make you feel less confident. Smile, laugh and surround yourself with happy, positive people. You’ll feel better and the people with whom you work will enjoy your company.
 

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the high points of your day and your accomplishments. You will develop more peace and confidence when you are in a grateful state of mind.

5. Take action.

There’s more to being confident than just how you look. You must act the part. Walk up to a stranger at a networking event, or accept a project you’d normally reject. Practice being self-confident and soon it will become second nature.

 
Inaction breeds doubt and fear, while action breeds confidence and courage. As an exercise, jot down your strengths and weaknesses. Most people will tell you to work on your weaknesses, but use what you've got and capitalize on your strengths instead. Once you put more energy into your positive traits, your confidence will start to shine through.

6. Be prepared.

Remember the five P’s: Prior planning prevents poor performance. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel about your expertise and competency. Preparation will help you avoid getting tripped up by life’s unexpected glitches.

Learn everything you can about your industry, your subject matter, your goals and what drives you towards success. Before you start a task, first imagine how you want to feel once you’ve completed it. Don’t try to accomplish too much at once. Break complex tasks up into small, bite-size, manageable pieces.

As U.S. Army General Creighton Williams Abrams Jr. once said, “When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” If you have patience and perseverance, you are only steps away from a more confident you.


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7 Simple Steps To Build Rapport Instantly

Does building rapport seem like some sort of mysterious skill you just don’t seem to posses? Worry not! With these seven simple steps, you’ll move from stranger to buddy with just about anybody in almost no time at all.

1) Smile sincerely.

A genuine I-love-my-life, isn’t-it-a-wonderful-day, what-could-be-better-than-this-moment smile is the best way to invite someone new into your world. Smiling at someone communicates a lot of information very quickly. A smile says, “Hello! I’m not threatening. And I like you,” all in a simple gesture that takes less than a second. There is a catch though: if you’re feeling tense and smiling anyway, people will notice. Don’t force a smile when you’re not feeling happy, instead, find a way to enjoy the moment and produce a genuine smile. Forced or tense smiles will not build rapport and will likely leave the recipient feeling confused and suspicious.

2) Make eye contact.

Eye contact is another way to quickly communicate a lot of information. Eye contact tells the other person that you care about what they’re saying. It lets others know that you’re paying attention and noticing them. Eye contact can also convey a lot of emotional content, we can easily tell by looking someone in the eye whether they’re feeling happy, sad, confused, irritated or shy. Take note of your observations as you make eye contact‒you’ll use them in a later step to build even more rapport very quickly.

3) Mirror the other person.

We humans are social creatures, and scientists have found that when we’re feeling connected to one another, we often mirror each other’s physical posture and movement. Have you ever noticed how when you’re on a really great date, you tend to take a drink at the very same time? That’s called social mirroring and you can use it to help build rapport. Again, it doesn’t work well to awkwardly fake this; instead, tune into the person you’re connecting with and allow your body to naturally begin to mirror the other person’s posture. You might lean in, smile at the same times or touch your face. Or, if the other person is more closed off and distant, you may cross your arms, lean back or look away. Either way, you’re building rapport, because when someone is feeling distant, they will still feel more connected to someone else who is equally distant than they would to someone barging into their space.

4) Touch to convey camaraderie.

If you’re noticing some connection happening already, physical touch can be a great way to take things even further. A handshake, a pat on the back or a shoulder nudge convey a sense of friendship and camaraderie. You do need to be careful not to overdo this one though. Too much physical touch too early can come off as needy and desperate. But if used sparingly, you can almost always find a good excuse for some kind of physical touch. Getting someone’s attention by touching their shoulder is a socially acceptable form of touch, even for strangers. And there’s just something comforting about being around people who are okay with physical touch.

5) Get curious.

If there’s one universal human truth, it’s that people love to talk about themselves. So the more curious you can be about another person, and the better a listener you are, the more likely others are able to feel comfortable and walk away from an interaction liking you. Imagine your own experiences of the opposite. Have you ever met someone who wouldn’t let you get a word in edgewise? This person just kept talking about themselves all night long without even a question for you and certainly without a concern about how incredibly bored you were. Don’t be that person. Instead, get genuinely curious about what makes this other person tick. What are their likes and dislikes? What are they passionate about? What are their dreams? Building rapport is all about showing an interest in the other person and being likable. So trust me; let them do more of the talking and you’ll build better rapport every single time.

6) Appreciate, and show it.

On the other hand, you can’t just check out and forget what the other person is sharing. You do have to actually stay engaged, and one of the best ways to be joyfully engaged is to practice appreciation. When we’re enjoying and appreciating someone else, we naturally do the things I’ve already mentioned. We smile more, make more eye contact, reach out to touch them, mirror their posture and want to know more about them. But sharing your appreciation is where it becomes an art form.
Sure, a lot of your appreciation comes across in your body language or the kind look in your eye, but if you want to kick things up a notch, try verbally sharing something specific that you’re appreciating. “Wow, I noticed that when you talked about your mom, your smile was so warm and I could just feel how much you love her. It’s heartwarming to be around someone who loves their mom as much as you do.” Or, “Ha! When you just mentioned that thing about your boss, I thought, wow, I’m glad we don’t work together! You’re feisty and I like it!” One more note on this: the more authentic and real you can be as you share what you’re appreciating, the better. Just making something up or saying something canned won’t come across as genuine. Instead, find something you truly appreciate, even if it seems odd or off-the-wall. Everyone I know would prefer a unique but real moment of appreciation to some canned line about pretty eyes.

7) Share a highlight.

In the same vein, after you’ve been talking for a while, but before the conversation ends, share a highlight with the other person. This leaves them with a moment in time that you most enjoyed during your encounter, and it almost always garners a smile and a, “wow, that was fun,” kind of feeling. For example, “It’s been really great talking with you, and you know, my favorite moment was when I told you that joke and you almost spit your drink out all over the table. That was awesome.” Or, “I’ve really had fun talking with you, but I felt the closest to you when you got all choked up talking about your dad. Thanks for sharing that with me.”

So there you have it: seven simple steps to quickly building rapport with anybody! I would love to hear how it goes, so please feel free to try these out and report back.

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