Slow down
The most common mistake men make that prevents them from
speaking with confidence is speaking too quickly. When a guy speaks
quickly it often gives the impression that he’s nervous, insecure, or
lacks self-control. It’s crucial then to practice speaking at a slower,
more relaxed pace. Speaking in a calm, deliberate manner shows
confidence – even dominance – and gives the impression that you’re a man
who is in control.
When to start speaking
A similar mistake men make is that they rush into speaking.
During a conversation a guy may start talking the same moment (or even
moments before) the other person finishes speaking. Jumping in and
talking immediately like this can make a guy look a little too eager
–and even worse – make the other person may feel as though she wasn’t
being heard. A good practice then is work on pausing for a second or
two after a person speaks before you start talking. Taking your time
like this shows you’re relaxed, confident, and are actually interested
in what the other person is saying.
Eliminate filler words
Filler words (words as “umm”, “uhh””, “like…”, etc.) are
used to take up space while a person tries to figure out what to say
next. But using them just makes a guy look uncertain of what he’s
saying. So if you want to sound more confident when speaking, eliminate
these filler words completely. What should you put in their place?
Nothing. If you need a moment to think of what to say next simply
pause and hold that silence. Silent pauses are incredibly powerful as
they build tension and suck people in. If you can hold those brief
moments of silence without feeling the need to fill that silence with
useless sounds, people will start to hang off your every word.
Don’t just be loud
Men sometimes confuse speaking with confidence as speaking
loudly. While speaking loud enough to be heard is important, what
matters even more that volume is your pitch and cadence (cadence is
basically the rhythm of your voice). To project confidence then, be
sure to keep a low pitch and a smooth cadence when speaking (don’t
bounce the pitch around, frequently going from high to low to high).
Maintaining a low, steady tone of voice is a surefire way to sound more
confident.
Speaking without tension
That low, dominant tone that makes you sound confident
comes about naturally when you release the tension in your voice. The
muscles in your shoulders, neck, jaw and throat all affect your voice
tone so you want to relax those muscles when speaking. To get those
muscles relaxed here’s an exercise you can try: Start by taking a slow,
deep breath. As you exhale make a noise that’s half yawn/half sigh and
soften any tension you feel in your jaw, throat, neck and shoulders.
This exercise will help you become aware of the existing tension in
your voice so that you’ll be able to relax that tension when speaking.
The importance of breathe
Taking slow, steady, deep breaths as you speak will ensure
you have a slow, steady, deep voice. The key to obtaining this kind of
breath is to make sure that you’re not just breathing into your chest
but instead are breathing deep into your belly. You should be able to
feel your lower rib cage expand out as you inhale and your belly should
rise and fall as you breathe in and out. If this sounds like too much
to remember there’s a very simply way to think of it. When you breathe
in, imagine breathing that air deep into your balls. Visualizing your
breath like this ensures you’ll take the deep, full breaths needed for
speaking with confidence.
Adding authority to your speech
When people are uncertain of what they’re saying the pitch
of their voice automatically goes up at the end of a sentences. You
hear this all the time when people ask questions but it can happen when
people give statements, too. If you want to add an extra touch of
authority to your speech do the opposite and end your sentences by
lowering your pitch. Even if you’re asking a question, this downward
inflection is going to make you sound much more confident in what you’re
asking.
Stay present
A lot of the problems mentioned above – speaking too
quickly, tightening your voice, breathing into the chest instead of the
belly – come about when we lose presence. It’s when we get so wrapped
up in what we should say next (or what people might think of us) that
these bad habits take hold. To prevent this, stay aware of the sound of
your voice when you speak. This will keep you grounded so those nasty
habits won’t come creeping in unnoticed.
Practice improving your voice
For these tips to become a part of your natural way of
speaking it’s important to practice them. An easy way to do this is to
record your voice during a phone conversation with a friend. Listening
to a recording of your voice will make you aware of some of the mistakes
you’re making and areas you can improve upon. Do this on a regular
basis (maybe once a week) and it will be much easier to cut out bad
speaking habits and replace them with good ones.
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