How To Get People To Understand You

There will be times, with all the interactions you have on a daily basis, that someone is not going to understand you.

At work you may try to explain a procedure to a co-worker; in a social situation, like a restaurant, it's important for wait staff to understand your order; and then, there is your private life where it's very important to you that those close to you, understand you.

There are numerous situations where you will want people to understand you.

Here are some thoughts about how to get people to understand you.

1. Be in control when explaining yourself

Don't let your emotions be the ruler, but the fuel of who you are. It's an awesome thing to have a great idea that you are passionate about, but if you let passion dominate your wisdom you will lose control of more than explaining yourself. If you want people to understand you relax, in the confidence of who you are and explain yourself.

2. Speak with clarity as you explain yourself.

If you want people to understand you, then you are responsible for speaking in such a way that they can understand you. This involves knowing what you want to say. Once you know what you want to say, practice it a few times before you actually present to your audience.

When you want to be understood, avoid using language that is unfamiliar to those to whom you are talking. If street language is what those you are talking to understand best then use that language so they may have a better chance of understanding what you are saying. And definitely don`t use high class language because it could send a wrong message.

By the same token, if you are talking with a boss or other important person you won't want to use street language to elicit their understanding. You will run the risk of losing them as they are forced to ask, "what does that mean?"

Speak in a language that your particular audience can understand and be clear if you want others to understand what you are saying.

3. Appear as if you want to be understood by those to whom you are talking

That means that you need to have confidence in what you be will saying. Confidence is about knowing what you're going to say before you say it and in knowing that what you are saying is correct and useful or interesting to your audience.

Practice can enhance your confidence.

Your body language will also tell others if you are sincere about being understood. For example, if you are running your fingers through your hair, while trying to explain something to someone, you are demonstrating nervousness and insecurity, neither of which help you to be understood.

4. Be reliably honest

This is essential if you want people to listen long enough to understand you. Some people consistently lie or fabricate stories and then wonder why they can't get any understanding when they really need it. It's because of their past unreliability and dishonesty. If you want people to understand you then be reliable and honest.

5. Point out similarities between what you are saying and what someone else is saying

Similarities will help others understand you more clearly, and in addition, give more credence to what you are saying. When one sees commonalities it helps to make connections which in turn helps understanding. Thus, the more connections you can help someone make, the more understanding you can achieve.

If you want people to understand you than you must work at being understood.

These are some ways to get people to understand you. Put these tips into practice and you should get what you want: more understanding from the people you are talking to.

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Top 10 Job Interview Strategies That Guarantee Success in Your Interviews

Job interviews can be a mystery. But you can find success if you follow the right job interview strategies. The following 10 tips are the best job interview strategies to follow if you want to ace your next interview.

10 Best Job Interview Strategies

1. Study the company

One of the best job interview strategies that most candidates ignore is to study the current events of the company. Knowing what the current events of the company is important so that you can ask pertinent questions. Doing so will show the interviewer that you have done your homework, and also have a genuine interest in the company. This strategy will definitely help your job interview.

2. Know your resume

As a candidate, you should be very familiar with your resume. In any job interview, anything on your resume is at the interviewer's disposal. Implementing this job interview strategy will help build credibility with your interviewer. Speaking intelligently about each of your previous positions will help do this, and is one of the best job interview strategies to follow.

3. Prepare an interview emergency kit

Many candidates don't properly prepare for a job interview. Getting together a "job interview kit" is a great job interview strategy to follow. Suggested items for the kit include extra copies of your resume, directions to the office, a bottle of water, eye drops, pens, and notepad. But you should only bring the extra copies of your resume into the office with you, preferably in a portfolio.

4. Study job description

After landing an interview, you need to study the job description to truly understand what the interviewer is looking for. If the description calls for attentiveness to detail, you will want to tailor the discussion accordingly. Knowing this, you can navigate the interview and discuss examples from previous jobs that will exemplify this trait. Do this for all significant traits or qualities that you identify in the job description. This is one of the best job interview strategies I have used, and know that it can bring you success.

5. Build rapport

You know the saying, "There's never a second chance to make a first impression/" That holds very true in the case of job interviews. That is why building rapport is such an important job interview strategy. Shake hands, make eye contact, and smile. Put those three together when you first meet your interviewer and it will set a positive tone for the rest of the interview.

6. Make eye contact

Making positive eye contact is one of the best job interview strategies to follow. Eye contact is one of the strongest forms of nonverbal communication. A person's qualities and personality can be detected simply based on eye contact. Making direct eye contact communicates confidence and high self-esteem, two key qualities employers look for in candidates.

Thus, it is very important that you make eye contact when you first meet interviewer and shake hands. And during the interview, it is important to make eye contact, not only when you talk, but also as you listen. Simply doing this job interview strategy will greatly help your chances of success in an interview.

7. Body language

Just as eye contact speaks volumes about you, so does your body language. Proper body language conveys confidence and high self-esteem. During the interview, things like sitting up straight with your chest out and keeping a pleasant demeanor on your face will project confidence. The interviewer will be aware of this, and it will help you stand out in his/her mind.

8. Display your skills with concrete examples

When it comes to discussing their skills, many candidates make the mistake of "telling" instead of "showing." One of the best job interview strategies is to use concrete examples to demonstrate their skills to the interviewer. For example, if one of your skills is successfully handling multiple tasks at once, providing an example of how you do that will help paint a picture for the interviewer. It also gives the interviewer something to "hold on to" once the interview is over, and helps him/her remember you when it comes to decision time.

9. Be yourself

A common mistake that many candidates make is not being themselves. Some feel that they need to fit a certain mold and act accordingly. This will only end up hurting both parties in the end when your "true" personality comes out. You will be surprised how easy it is to detect insincerity during an interview. Thus, it is important to be professional, but also maintain your true essence. When you do this, your sincerity will be picked up by the interviewer. This is one of the best job interview strategies to implement, and will go a long way in determining your success.

10. Follow up quickly

After the job interview, send a thank you note to the interview. These days, an email is fine, but traditionally a handwritten card is sent. Whatever method you choose, do it promptly after the interview. The correspondence should be sent the next day after the interview. Many hiring decisions are made quickly these days, so timeliness is very important.

You now have 10 of the best job interview strategies to follow. There are many aspects of a successful job interview, but if you implement these 10 best job interview strategies listed above, your chances of success will skyrocket!

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How To Turn Your Voice Into A Powerful Asset

Have you ever been to a meeting, seminar or a workshop where the speaker is so monotonous that you just want to run away from that room? You keep looking at your watch again and again hoping and praying for a break? You are sitting there physically but your mind has drifted to thousands of other places? And even though the speaker is sharing great content, you find it extremely hard to sit through the talk? I am quite sure you have been to at least one such meeting, seminar or workshop. But have you ever wondered why you felt so tortured? Well! You felt tortured because, how a speaker sounds is as important as what he says! In fact, it takes a very pleasant voice to bring a speaker's words to life.

A Duke University study found that CEO's with lower-pitched voices ran larger companies, earned more money, and held onto their jobs longer. And that is why business executives, celebrities, and politicians often work with vocal coaches! But what about you, what if you too wish to develop your voice but have neither the time nor the money to work with a coach? What can you possibly do to speak more dynamically in your one-to-one interactions and group addresses?

Don't worry! There is an easy and practical solution. Implement these simple suggestions and you will most certainly be able turn your voice into a powerful asset and speak more dynamically.

Take Care Of Your Voice

1. Breathe from the stomach. Breathing from your diaphragm instead of your chest will help you in projecting your voice better and give you more confidence. At the same time, relaxing your mouth and throat will give you greater control on your voice tonality.

2. Develop character in your voice. Humming is an easy way to warm up your voice. The lower you go into your chest, the more powerful you will sound. If you practice humming in deeper tones, it will create grains in your voice that will eventually give your voice a unique character!

3. Never strain your voice. Rest your voice if you find that you have overdone it by talking too long or too loudly. Sleep is the best remedy to heal a sore throat. When suffering from a bad throat, cough gently when you need to clear your throat. Keep irritants like alcohol, smoke, and dairy products to a minimum.

4. Pace your words. Rapid speech is great if you are a commentator. Otherwise, try breaking your thoughts down into phrases, just long enough so that you can say them comfortably with a single exhale.

Create Connection With The Audience

1. Look for the friendly faces. If crowds make you nervous, scan the room for individuals who are smiling and making eye contact. Imagine you are talking directly with them.

2. Tell a story that makes a point. It is easier to get your message across when you use interesting and memorable stories. When you are enjoying your own tales, your enthusiasm shines through and you can easily lead the audience to where you wish to take them.

3. Interact with the audience. Great speakers also know how to encourage conversation within the audience. And once the conversation is initiated they listen deeply to facilitate further interaction. Showing up early and interacting with the audience can build rapport and give you a great start even before you get up to speak.

4. Share great content. While you are working on the technical aspects of your voice and performance, keep your purpose in mind. What do you want to share with others? How can they benefit from what you have to say?

Extra Tips For Speaking Dynamically

1. Practice regularly. Voice training is like any other skill and it will take time plus effort to build. Continuously work towards enhancing your performance. Record yourself when practicing, so you can identify your natural strengths as well as areas you need to work on.

2. Model the popular speakers. See how presidents, newscasters and TV anchors engage their listeners. Watch videos, listen to podcasts, and read transcripts. Take notes about ideas you want to borrow and build on. Adapt their lessons to suit your own style.

3. Avoid meaningless fillers. Too many "ums" and "uhs" can undermine you credibility. Plan the transitions so you won't be fumbling for what to say next. If you need a second to reflect, try pausing instead of filling the gap with meaningless language. Tuning out internal and external distractions can also help you stay on track.

4. Be mindful of your body language. Mastering nonverbal communication will reinforce the positive impression your voice makes. Stand up straight so you look open and relaxed. Ground yourself on stage so you look confident. Use gestures to emphasize key points and keep things lively. Use the entire space to move around and speak, don't get stuck at one point on the stage!

5. Recognize your feelings and allow yourself to feel. Even movie stars and self-help gurus can have stage frights. When you are feeling anxious about addressing a group, accept your feelings and transform them into positive excitement. Take the focus off yourself and concentrate on how to help others.

Making the most of your own natural voice will help you communicate your ideas more effectively and efficiently. It will help you be the catalyst that transforms lives. But there is one more thing you need to remember before you get started. Keep your content short and simple! In the words of Winston S. Churchill, "A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest."

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5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness

Assertiveness is all about being present in a relationship,” according to Randy Paterson, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships. In other words, you’re able to articulate your wants and needs to the other person, and you welcome their wants and needs as well. Being assertive is starkly different from being passive or aggressive. Paterson has a helpful analogy that distinguishes the differences. He explained:

In the passive style, all the world is allowed on stage but for you — your role is to be the audience and supporter for everyone else. In the aggressive style, you’re allowed on stage but you spend most of your time shoving the others off, like in a lifelong sumo match. With the assertive style, everyone is welcome onstage. You are entitled to be a full person, including your uniqueness, and so are others.

“Assertiveness involves advocating for yourself in a way that is positive and proactive,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC, psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance, LLC. It also means being clear, direct and honest, she said.

For instance, if you’re upset with your boss over your performance review, you’re able to express your opinion in a diplomatic and professional way, she said. Again, this is very different from the other styles. If you’re passive, you might swallow your feelings and become resentful, which can chip away at your self-esteem and boost stress and anxiety, she said. If you’re aggressive, you might curse out your boss and quit. If you’re passive-aggressive, you might call in sick and give your boss the silent treatment, she said.

Why Some People Aren’t Assertive

Why are some people assertive while others aren’t? Many factors may contribute. Stress is one. “The fight-or-flight response is an evolutionary adaptation that pulls us toward aggression or avoidance, and away from calm, relaxed assertiveness,” Paterson said.

A person’s belief system also plays a role. According to Paterson, these assertive-sabotaging stances include: “Being nice means going along with others” or “It doesn’t matter if I’m assertive, no one will pay attention anyway” or “He’ll leave me!” That’s why it’s so important to become aware of these beliefs. “[This way you] can examine them clearly and rationally and decide what to do,” he said.

People with low self-esteem may feel inadequate and have a hard time finding their voice, Marter said. Others might fear conflict, losing a relationship, criticism or rejection, she said.

If you’re a woman, you might’ve been raised to set aside your needs and opinions and support and agree with others, Paterson said. If you’re a man, you might’ve been raised to react aggressively with a “my way or the highway” view, he said. Or just the opposite, you might want to be completely different. “[These individuals may be] fearful of provoking aggression when they are present in relationships, or of being ‘a jerk like my father was.’”

 

How to Be Assertive

Assertiveness is a skill that takes practice. It may always be easier for you to swallow your feelings, scream at someone or give them the silent treatment. But assertiveness is a better strategy. It works because it respects you and others.


As Paterson writes in The Assertiveness Workbook:

Through assertiveness we develop contact with ourselves and with others. We become real human beings with real ideas, real differences…and real flaws. And we admit all of these things. We don’t try to become someone else’s mirror. We don’t try to suppress someone else’s uniqueness. We don’t try to pretend that we’re perfect. We become ourselves. We allow ourselves to be there.

These are some ideas to get you started.

1. Start small. You wouldn’t try to scale a mountain before reading a manual, practicing on a rock wall and then moving on to bigger peaks. Going in unprepared just sets you up for failure. Paterson suggested trying to be assertive in mildly tense situations, such as requesting to be seated at a different spot at a restaurant. Then gently work up to tougher situations such as talking to your spouse about infidelity issues, he said.

2. Learn to say no. People worry that saying no is selfish. It’s not. Rather, setting healthy limits is important to having healthy relationships.


3. Let go of guilt. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive or a people pleaser most of your life. The first few times it can feel unnerving. But remember that being assertive is vital to your well-being. “Assertive behavior that involves advocating for oneself in a way that is respectful of others is not wrong — it is healthy self-care,” Marter said.

Sometimes, you might be unwittingly perpetuating your guilty feelings with negative thoughts or worries. “Replace negative thoughts — such as ‘I am a bad person for not loaning my friend money’ — with a positive mantra [such as] ‘I deserve to have financial stability and not put myself in jeopardy,’” she said.

Deep breathing also helps ease your worries and anxiety. “Breathe in what you need — peace, strength, serenity — and breathe out feelings of guilt, anxiety or shame.”
And if you still feel uncomfortable, put yourself in a compassionate parent or best friend’s shoes. “Sometimes it is easier to think about speaking up for somebody else who we love than it is for ourselves,” Marter said.

4. Express your needs and feelings. Don’t assume that someone will automatically know what you need. You have to tell them. Again, be specific, clear, honest and respectful, Marter said.

Take the example of ordering food at a restaurant, she said. You’d never just order a “sandwich.” Instead you’d request a “tuna on rye with slices of cheddar cheese and tomatoes.” If you’re worried of upsetting someone, use “I” statements, which usually make people less defensive.

According to Marter, instead of saying, “You have no clue what my life is like, and you are a selfish ass,” you might say, “I am exhausted and I need more help with the kids.” What also helps is tempering your anger and speaking from a place of hurt, she said, such as: “I feel so lonely and need you to spend time with me.”

“Focus on the real issue, not the minutiae,” she said. In other words, “are you really mad that the toilet seat was left up or that you were up with the baby five times the night before?” If it’s the baby — and it likely is — be clear and specific: “I am upset that I was up with the baby five times last night and need for you to get up at least twice a night.”

5. Check out resources on assertiveness. In addition to Paterson’s The Assertiveness Workbook, Marter recommended Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (9th Edition) by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons and Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others by Judy Murphy. Paterson also suggested taking a course on effective communication.

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5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Confidence

Self-confident people are admired by others and inspire confidence in others. They face their fears head-on and tend to be risk takers. They know that no matter what obstacles come their way, they have the ability to get past them. Self-confident people tend to see their lives in a positive light even when things aren't going so well, and they are typically satisfied with and respect themselves.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have this kind of self-confidence, every day of the week? Guess what? You can.

"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." --Barrie Davenport

It comes down to one simple question: If you don't believe in yourself, how do you expect anybody else to?

Try some of the tips listed below. Don't just read them and put them on the back burner. Really begin to practice them daily, beginning today. You might have to fake it at first and merely appear to be self-confident, but eventually you will begin to feel the foundation of self-confidence grow within you. With some time and practice (this is not an overnight phenomenon), you too can be a self-confident person, both inside and out, whom others admire and say "Yes!" to.

1. Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity

This is the time to really evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. This is a tough one, but it's time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break from Debbie Downer can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.

Be positive, even if you're not feeling it quite yet. Put some positive enthusiasm into your interactions with others and hit the ground running, excited to begin your next project. Stop focusing on the problems in your life and instead begin to focus on solutions and making positive changes.

2. Change your body language and image

This is where posture, smiling, eye contact, and speech slowly come into play. Just the simple act of pulling your shoulders back gives others the impression that you are a confident person. Smiling will not only make you feel better, but will make others feel more comfortable around you. Imagine a person with good posture and a smile and you'll be envisioning someone who is self-confident.

Look at the person you are speaking to, not at your shoes--keeping eye contact shows confidence. Last, speak slowly. Research has proved that those who take the time to speak slowly and clearly feel more self-confidence and appear more self-confident to others. The added bonus is they will actually be able to understand what you are saying.

Go the extra mile and style your hair, give yourself a clean shave, and dress nicely. Not only will this make you feel better about yourself, but others are more likely to perceive you as successful and self-confident as well. A great tip: When you purchase a new outfit, practice wearing it at home first to get past any wardrobe malfunctions before heading out.

3. Don't accept failure and get rid of the negative voices in your head

Never give up. Never accept failure. There is a solution to everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Make this your new mantra. Succeeding through great adversity is a huge confidence booster.

Low self-confidence is often caused by the negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. If you are constantly bashing yourself and saying you're not good enough, aren't attractive enough, aren't smart enough or athletic enough, and on and on, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are becoming what you are preaching inside your head, and that's not good. The next time you hear that negativity in your head, switch it immediately to a positive affirmation and keep it up until it hits the caliber of a self-confidence boost.

4. Be prepared

Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation--whatever is next on your "to conquer" list. If you are prepared, and have the knowledge to back it up, your self-confidence will soar.

5. For tough times, when all else fails: Create a great list

Life is full of challenges and there are times when it's difficult to keep our self-confidence up. Sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for, and another list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, on the wall by your desk, on your bathroom mirror--somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are. If you feel your self-confidence dwindling, take a look at those lists and let yourself feel and be inspired all over again by you.

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