Beyond Strengths and Weaknesses

Last week I spoke with a client who was struggling with his business development activity.  Nate (as usual, the name and identifying details have been changed to protect his privacy) had experienced great success in converting acquaintances who heard him talk about the kind of matters he handles into clients, and he decided that if speaking casually to small groups works well, speaking formally to large groups would deliver even better results.

As it turns out, though Nate is a spellbinding speaker in small, informal groups, something happens when he steps onto a stage.  Nate transforms from an assured, confident, knowledgeable lawyer who can chat at length about his clients' legal issues and possible solutions into a stiff academician who says "therefore" and "whereof" entirely too much.  He becomes (I hate to say it, but I've seen it firsthand) dull.  When he speaks to large groups, nothing good comes of it.  The audience gets restless, and no one calls Nate for help afterward.

This isn't news to Nate.  I gently broached the subject after I saw him speak, and before I got very far, he beat me to the punch - sort of: "I know, I know, I was a terrible speaker last time.  But I've figured it out, and the crowd next week is a new group of people, and this time, I'm going to impress them!"  Nate recognizes that speaking to large groups is not his strength, and yet he continues to use that approach, thinking each time that he'll finally nail the presentation.

The problem is that we tend to talk about strengths and weaknesses as if a weakness is just an undeveloped strength.  Not so.  Sometimes, a weakness is an inability, pure and simple, that can be corrected only by bringing in assistance from another resource.  Here's what I explained to Nate (with thanks to Don Blohowiak, a coaching colleague who shared this useful framework):

• Potential refers to your native capabilities than can be (but have not yet been) developed.

• Strengths refer to the capabilities that you execute competently to masterfully.

• Limitations refer to the capabilities that you have in short supply.  Some limitations can be developed, and others will require replacement from another source.

• Absences refer to the capabilities that you simply don't have.  There is no shame in lacking capabilities.  No one has all of the capabilities possible.  Instead, the task is to find someone whose capabilities are complementary to your absences.  (If, for instance, you are leading a client service team and complex accounting is an important part of the matter, if you lack masterful accounting skills, you must find someone who can bring that competency to the team.)

• Weaknesses refer to the capabilities that you pretend to have but cannot actually execute.

Using this model, Nate's speaking to a large audience is a weakness (as he recognized) but because he pretended that he could correct it, the weakness could not be eliminated.  Nate was failing at business development because he was leading from a weakness and pretending it was a strength.

Review your business development plan, your professional development plan, your career strategy plan - any plan at all that reflects your goals - and ask these questions:

• What are my strengths?
• How are my strengths reflected in my plan?
• How can I develop my potential so I can deploy those capabilities in my plan?
• What weaknesses am I denying?
• Do my priorities coincide with my strengths?

If, like Nate, you lead from weakness, you will produce only frustration.  Spend some time in honest self-reflection and look for opportunities to shift what you're doing based on your natural and developed capabilities.  And, if (like Nate) you find that you've been pretending that you are developing your weaknesses, stop pretending.  Shift your approach.

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How Does Fear Hold You Back?

Fear can be a very debilitating emotion. We use it instinctively to keep us from perceived dangers but sometimes exaggerate the feeling and attribute it to situations in which fear should not be an issue. When fear becomes overwhelming it can negatively affect our emotional state, our physical condition, and our psychological well being. Thoughts spiral around themselves and alter our perception, rationality, and comprehension, limiting our expectations, reducing our productivity, augmenting the complexity of problems, and impeding our ability to survive. Understanding the mechanism behind our fears can help overcome them by addressing the nucleus of the problem.

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is closely related to fear of criticism and fear of rejection and can be greatly incapacitating. Rather than successfully achieving a desired result, those who have a fear of failure imagine themselves unable to achieve a task or reach their goals and thus feel guilty or ashamed of their lack of productivity, often even before initial attempts. Rather than focusing on the possibilities of success, they envision the possibilities of failure. Feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and eagerness shift to helplessness, hopelessness, and despair leaving the person discouraged (without the courage) to overcome the mountains they created out of molehills. People who fear failure essentially fear the large shadow that emanates from a small challenge.
To justify their negative perception, people who fear failure will often omit action or engage in ineffective action. Rather than learning from a mistake and improving the action(s) to perform, the failure leads to an abandonment of the mission or goal to achieve.

Fear of Success

Similar to fear of failure, fear of success is related to the fear of living up to one’s capacities and achievements and often leads to self-limitation or self-sabotages. The belief is that success tests one’s limits and makes one vulnerable to new situations with a higher level of responsibility. If one climbs to higher levels, the mistakes have more value and can be more detrimental. One is also forced to live up to a higher potential and must maintain good efforts consistently. In other words, the fear is not of achieving a single goal once but of having to achieve repeatedly and maintaining the higher standard.
People who fear success may undervalue or doubt their own worthiness for success. They may not want to excel because they do not want to stand out from the crowd and thus be observed by others. They fear being judged negatively or disappointing others if they do not meet the higher potential they set up for themselves. This may lead to negative self-talk and the limitation of potential action for “fear is but a dark room where negatives develop” (Usman B. Asif).

Fear of the Unknown

To prosper, succeed and achieve a higher self requires adherence to challenge and change. Such a step asks for one to step away from the known and move towards the unknown with valor and vigor. However, since the unknown presents indefinite outcomes and unfamiliar circumstances, it sometimes shifts away from a sense of safety and security in routine and familiarity. That which is well-known is effortless and undemanding; allowing one to remain sheltered in predictability. Unfortunately, remaining within the limits of what is familiar and refraining from thinking outside the box with inhibit excellence, success

Overcoming one’s Fears

With careful examination of the thoughts and beliefs systems that form one’s fears, one can obtain an objective perspective of the fears and learn to overcome them by becoming desensitized to them. Once a better understanding is achieved, we can more easily and readily summon the necessary strength, courage and confidence needed to overcome them. Recognizing that any outcome of our actions, whether they are successes, failures or non-actions, are all forms of feedback, none of which should be feared. The bigger our fears grow, the further our dreams seem to be.
So, what would you do if you weren't afraid?

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