Why are habits so important?
Because, in the words of Aristotle: "We are what we repeatedly do."
We are essentially the accumulation of what we do on a consistent basis. Have a habit of exercising every day, and you become healthy. Be in the habit of smoking regularly, and you are headed for serious health issues.
Imagine the long term impact of your habits. Benjamin Franklin summed it up this way: "Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones."
Before going any further, pause and ask yourself two questions:
What is one habit, that if you STARTED doing it today, would have the greatest positive impact on your life? Is it spending more time with your children, starting an exercise routine, or becoming more social?
What is one habit, that if you STOPPED doing it today, would have the greatest positive impact on your life? Maybe you'd like to eliminate caffeine or sodas from your diet, gossip less, or watch less TV.
What would be the most life transforming habit for you?
Are you caught in the Resolution to Failure cycle?
As most of us can attest, changing habits is not easy. While some people are able to simply change a habit by setting their mind to it, most of us get caught in the frustrating resolution-struggle-partial success-fail-try again cycle. And for some reason, certain habits seem particularly resistant to change.
How many times have you started a new workout regimen only to give up after one week, or set that alarm clock back to an earlier time, only to hit the snooze button five times in a row?
Good News!
Here's the good news: there IS a surefire way to change habits. I'm living proof.
I am a living testament to the power of a 10-step process that I have used to completely transform my life one habit at a time. I've eliminated caffeine, dairy, gluten, and sodas from my diet; stopped watching TV completely; started running daily; created a daily meditation habit; ceased impulse spending... the list goes on.
But for years, before I discovered this 10-step process, I suffered that roller coaster ride from resolution to failure over and over again. I became so fed up with the frustration and disappointment, and how I had internalized failure as a story about who I was as a person. I knew that there must be some strategy for changing habits that would work for me once and for all. I just needed to find it.
Finally, just a few years ago, through an insane amount of trial and error, I discovered the winning combination of 10 steps that help to make success habits stick. It seemed too simple really, when it all came together. But it worked, and that's what matters. Now I use this process constantly... there isn't a time when I'm not working to enhance my life in some way and it has been a huge relief and joy to have a system that I can rely on without fail.
If it works for me, then I am pretty darn sure it will work for you. Simply follow closely these 10 steps, and you will experience enormous success:
Struggle less: work baby step by baby step, one habit at a time, at an easy pace that is incredibly comfortable;
Enjoy the process: in fact, the strategy behind this success system is that it's gentle and totally manageable, no matter how busy you are; and most importantly
Habits stick: follow this process faithfully and your desired behavior will become so automatic that you will never again have to cajole or guilt yourself into acting.
Ready to get started?
Step 1: Pick one thing
To start, pick one new habit to adopt -- the operative word here being "one." If you want to get more out of your day, you could commit to waking up just 10 minutes earlier than your usual time. Or, if you want to start exercising daily, you could commit to doing 10 push-ups in the morning, or taking a 20-minute walk after dinner. Maybe your desire is to be more in touch with your loved ones. One way to achieve that is to commit to reaching out to one friend or family member each day either by phone or email or by sending a note.
Or, the other way you could go about it is to eliminate an old habit that no longer serves you. Would you like to give up caffeine, or reducing the amount of time you spend in front of the TV?
Whatever you decide, picking just one new habit and sticking with it will give you the clarity of purpose you need to stay focused. I would caution against trying to create more than one habit at a time because it could become overwhelming, potentially causing you to be inconsistent, thereby thwarting any kind of progress at all.
For example, if improved health is your long-term goal, I wouldn't recommend doing a major fitness overhaul that entails a total diet makeover and exercise regimen. It can be done, don't get me wrong, but by focusing on more than one habit (all the many changes that come with a new diet and exercise routine, in addition to the other changes such as shifting schedules and sleep habits), you may become overwhelmed and lose the motivation to stick with it. Instead, pick one habit related to your overall goal, such as eating more vegetables at every meal, and trust that by sticking with one new habit and being consistent with it, the change will be everlasting and so much more powerful. Once that habit is solidly formed, then start working on the next habit supporting your overall goal, and then the next. Over time, working one habit at a time, you will completely transform your lifestyle and enjoy optimal health, naturally.
Reflection: What is one small habit that, if you were to do it consistently, would have an amazingly wonderful impact on your life long term?
Step 2: Make it do-able
Great! Now that you have an idea of what habit you want to make stick, the next step is to get super realistic. Is it something you KNOW you can do daily? Be honest with yourself.
If you're trying to wake up earlier in the morning, it's better to set your alarm back 10 minutes than going for a whopping two hour change from your previous waking habit. You want this to be something you KNOW you can do EVERY day. Or, if you're trying to eliminate watching TV and you currently have a habit of watching two hours a day, then commit to reducing that by 25 percent. The key is, you don't want to set out trying to create a habit that you are going to find super difficult to keep up day after day.
Prior to using this process to create a daily running habit, I would get out for a run only sporadically, sometimes five days a week, and some weeks, only once. Running was a chore, something I had to force myself to suffer through. Not fun! When I started my new habit of running daily, in order to make sure that I would get out every day, I committed to running 20 minutes every day. I knew that on my busiest or least motivated of days, I could muster 20 minutes without feeling overwhelmed. If I had set myself up to having to run 45 minutes daily, I would likely have had a more difficult time meeting that goal. The end result was that there were only a few days when I ran the short 20 minutes. There were even some days that I set out to run only 20 minutes thinking that was all I could eke out, but when I started moving, I realized I had more juice in me. Most of my runs were between 35 and 60 minutes.
So, chances are, if your new habit is to spend 15 minutes every day listening to your child, you'll do it, and there will be days that you'll just keep on listening.
Reflection: Is your new habit realistic? Will you be able to do it every day consistently without too much trouble? If not, tweak it so that it's going to work for you, not against you.
Step 3: Quantify it
If it's not something you can measure, then in weak moments you may find yourself making justifications and not upholding your commitment to yourself. And that's a slippery slope.
So, instead of committing to "eating more vegetables," you'll want to commit to something specific, such as "eat at least three servings of vegetables daily."
You want to be able to check the box at the end of the day, and say unequivocally: "Yes, I did it."
Set a minimum goal that gives you room to go further or do more, but at the very least, it is something you know you can meet the minimum and quantify it. Being specific about how you are changing your habits is the only way to ensure you're creating a solid habit that will stick.
Reflection: What are the quantifiable parameters of your new habit? What's the minimum you MUST do in order to fulfill your commitment?
Step 4: Set a fixed time frame
I like 40 days. Yogic science teaches that it takes 40 days to create or change a habit. Some people prefer 30 days because it generally coincides with a month. Others go for 60 days. Whatever you decide, I would recommend against any less than 30 days because you want to make sure that you are at it long enough so that your habit takes hold.
In addition to picking a time frame long enough to cement your habit, understand that at the end of 40 days (or 30, or 60), you have the freedom to decide what to do next. You may decide you want to continue and adopt this habit into your permanent lifestyle. Or, you may want to tweak it, say, instead of cutting down TV time to 30 minutes a day, you might want to eliminate it completely (just think of the hours of your life you will gain back!). Or, you might decide to discontinue the habit altogether. The key here is to know that you have the option, and that you're committed for now for only 40 days.
Chances are, if the habit is a good fit for you, by the time the 40th day rolls around, the habit will be so well ingrained and you'll be experiencing all of the positive benefits resulting from it, that you'll want to continue for the rest of your life. For me, my 40-day commitment to daily running had such an amazingly positive ripple effect throughout other areas of my life (in addition to the improved fitness, greater mental clarity, balanced emotional state, time alone in nature, sounder sleep, greater confidence), that it is something I have committed to for the rest of my life. I'd be crazy not to!
Reflection: What's your time frame? 40 days? 30 days? 60? What date are you beginning your new habit, and when will the time frame end?
Step 5: Commit!
100%.
Now that you know exactly what you'll be doing and for how long, it's time to make it real by making a solid commitment.
Anything less than a 100% commitment will work against you and in a moment of weakness you will likely waver and lose ground.
So make that commitment, from the heart, and know with every ounce of your being that for the next 40 days you are going to do this one thing that you are committing to.
As Jack Canfield says: "99% is a bitch and 100% is a breeze." Anything less than a 100% commitment will undermine your efforts.
Reflection: Say your commitment out loud, write it out, post it on your wall. Every morning when you wake up, rewrite your commitment to the daily habit you are building; do the same before you go to bed at night. "I, ______________________, commit to _________________________________________ every day for the next _____ days." Say it again, and smile.
Step 6: Track it
Keep a daily log. Just the action of writing your habit down as completed will help keep you on track. Your daily log doesn't have to be complicated.
One option is to post a calendar page where you'll see it a lot, every day. Simply log your progress there. (Mine is taped to my kitchen wall, right in between the telephone and the water cooler... there's absolutely no way I can it ignore it there!)
Do you like to journal? If so, then start one dedicated to this goal and track your thoughts, emotions, struggles and triumphs there. I use a 40-day journal whenever I'm experiencing internal struggles about sticking with a new habit so that I can remind myself, in writing, what's most important to me. It's also fun to look back at journal entries and notice at what point throughout the 40 days the habit became less of a struggle and more of true habit, done automatically, without giving it a second thought.
Reflection: What kind of tracking method works best for you? Set up your system now so that you're ready to go.
Step 7: Be vigilant during "lift off"
Be vigilant, especially the first 10 days. You're creating new neural pathways, and that requires mental and emotional effort. It's very important to keep yourself on track and in the groove as much as possible the first 10 days when this behavior is very new.
Think of a rocket and how much energy it takes to lift off. That's what your first 10 days will be like. It may take serious conscious effort to stick with it day after day. But trust me, once you make it through the initial lift-off phase, you'll be sailing into orbit. It will get so very much easier. Keep in mind, though, there's no way to get into the "sailing in orbit" phase without passing through the lift-off phase.
One way to help you through lift-off is to scan your calendar for the next 10 days and identify anything that might trigger you or pose a challenge to your staying on track. Consider postponing those activities, or finding solutions in advance that help you maintain your focus. Know that once you're past the initial phase, it will become easier and easier to stick with it. In fact, that's what a habit is, something that is routine and done without effort. And that's where you're headed with this new behavior. It's just around the corner!
Reflection: What are some things that might challenge your resolve during the lift-off phase? Come up with at least three solutions to help you hold your focus.
Step 8: Focus on the higher rewards
Here's the real secret to this process: While you may be creating a new habit that is transformational in a particular area of your life, the higher reward is who you are becoming in the process. Through this process you are becoming the kind of person who sets goals and works towards them patiently, consistently, diligently and persistently.
The higher reward is the character, strength and confidence you build in the process of the 40 days, that then can be applied to anything and everything else you do from that point on. The external results are wonderful and important in and of themselves, but they are really just the by-products of your consistent effort over time.
From my own experience, when I focus on the higher rewards, I am more motivated to stick with the new habit because ultimately what I really want is that strength of character and confidence that will allow me to stick to working towards goals and create virtually anything I want. We all have the capacity to work patiently, diligently, consistently and persistently towards goals, just as we all have muscles. But, just as muscles can only serve us well when we train and exercise them, so do we need to train and exercise our ability to work patiently, diligently, consistently and persistently towards goals in order to become more successful at it.
Also, when you focus on the higher rewards, and trust that the external benefits will manifest when the time is right, you are not constantly and impatiently looking for the signs of the external results, or finding yourself disappointed if the external results are slower to manifest than you had expected. Focusing on the higher rewards raises your energy to the level at which you need to be to maintain focus and commitment.
Reflection: What is the higher reward that you think will come from this 40-day habit-forming process? How will that impact other areas of your life? What could be the long-term benefits (in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc.)?
Step 9: Recommit!
As you progress through your 40 days, it is important to recommit to this new behavior over and over. Your commitment on day one is important, but it's only the beginning. Daily re-affirmation of what you are creating is necessary to keep the energy moving in the direction you want.
Recommitment is also of critical importance if you happen to slip up and miss a day in your habit. Avoid punishing yourself if you experience any slippage, simply recommit as quickly as you can and take immediate action to get back on track.
Recommitting after a slip can actually be a very powerful force that you can use to help fuel your continued progress. In my 40-days of running, I fell out of it twice. Once for one day, and then a second time for three days. The emotional pain of not upholding my agreement with myself was so great that I came back at with an ever greater commitment. I learned that I prefer the effort of self-discipline over the pain of regret!
The truth is, sometimes we slip. It won't necessarily happen to you... and I sincerely hope it is not your experience. However, if you do slip, simply revisit your resolve and recommit. Every day, remind yourself what you're about and recommit. No judgment. Just recommit and move forward.
Reflection: How will you recommit should you slip up?
Step 10: Celebrate each day
Celebrate this life-changing process you are engaged in every day. You are transforming your life in ways that, in this moment, you can only imagine. Celebrate who you are becoming on the inside, as well as the external rewards as they begin to manifest.
Reflection: What are the internal and external rewards and causes for celebration? How will you recognize yourself every day for doing the work to transform your life?
You are well on your way to transforming your life, just by creating one new habit. Congratulations!
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